“Don't sow your desires in someone else's garden; just cultivate your own as best you can; don’t long to be other than what you are, but desire to be thoroughly what you are ... We all love according to what is our taste; few people like what is according to their duty or to God’s liking. What is the use of building castles in Spain when we have to live in France?” (St. Francis de Sales).

Maybe it was because I was taught by nuns, who had firm rules everyone could understand and follow in Catholic school, but I’ve always known how to respect boundaries. We could classify boundaries as good manners, but they go deeper than that. Having boundaries means respecting people’s time and needs and educating others on what boundaries in the workplace look like.

Start With Yourself

Boundaries at work start with cultivating our own talents and celebrating what we are doing well. Often, we look at other people’s success at work — a job promotion, praise heaped on a colleague, or better work assignments — and wonder why we don’t have the same opportunities. We want to be in Spain when we live in France, as St. Francis de Sales said.Having boundaries doesn’t mean we shouldn’t grow or seek new opportunities, but it does mean keeping a firm grasp on thinking well of the talents we possess and being grateful for the skills of others.

Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They do not play the comparison game; that helps no one and defeats our own good works.

Setting Standards for Your Personal Boundaries

As women in the workplace, we have to set high standards for ourselves, which means having healthy boundaries with male co-workers. When I was a working journalist on an all-male cop beat, I made a firm rule: I would not date any police officers. I felt that dating someone on the main beat I reported about would compromise my integrity.

If you feel strongly about a boundary, you make it work. In other situations, it could look like not joining in on mean or inappropriate jokes, not gossiping about the people you work with, and not doing personal work on your boss’ dime. These boundaries are a witness to your work ethic and personal integrity.

How to Communicate Your Boundaries

As you think about the boundaries you want to set, there will come a time when you will have to defend them. When your boundaries are tested, manners become important. When someone begins talking about another co-worker to you, it is OK to kindly say, “I don’t want to discuss that issue without Sally here” or, “This really isn’t the right time for us to discuss this topic, but maybe you should go talk to Sally, as I see this is bothering you” or, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this at all.”

Boundaries mean setting the tone for the professionalism you want to project. As women, many of us want to talk with others, but we need parameters to keep us within the confines of charity and generosity in the workplace. These parameters do not mean we cannot ask for advice from someone we trust about dealing with our co-workers. If it is done in charity, it is healthy to talk to another woman about an issue so you can find a solution.

Boundaries on Time

Boundaries mean guarding our time. In this age of instant communication, alerts on our phones, and texting at all hours of the day and night, it’s easy to blur the boundaries of our time. Boundaries are not about allowing us to slack on our responsibilities but helping us to fulfill them.

Your boundaries set people’s expectations of you, but you need to communicate them well. Many women are good multitaskers. This great strength can also be a great weakness, because we can take on too much. Saying “no” sets a boundary that enables you to focus on the workload you have before taking on more.

Respecting Your Co-workers’ Boundaries

Boundaries are a code of professionalism, and it is permissible to ask questions about someone else’s boundary. If we know we are going to need to call a colleague in the evening, we can ask him or her, “I know you don’t accept phone calls during dinner with your family, and I really respect that. Since we are on a very tight deadline, is it OK this week to call you after dinner to go over a few things we need? I didn’t get the information I needed before the end of the business day.”

Learn to set boundaries that don’t hurt people’s feelings or make them feel overwhelmed or underappreciated. They will help you develop a healthy approach to professionalism and peace of mind.

Jennifer Lindberg is an award-winning journalist who now writes about pilgrimage journeys and writes web content for various clients. She blogs about, hope, writing, and lifestyle at www.thinkingfromhope.com and has an Instagram account by the same name.