“For where jealousy and sleigh ambition exist, there is disorder and every foul practice” (James 3:16).

Comparison is the thief of joy, and I am no stranger to its company. Like many others, I feel secure about who I am and what I am doing until I level my professional career, my relationships, and my hobbies to those of others. On one hand,  I feel as though I deserve more than I have been given, and on the other, I experience intense imposter syndrome.

Ignoring the Lies

In every season of life, but particularly in the uncertainty of the current pandemic, it has been easy for me to ruminate on how others are faring better than me.

• If only I had this like her, I’d be so much happier.

• I have more experience than him; why does he have the job/relationship/opportunity and I don’t?

• I’ve applied to so many jobs and haven’t heard anything, but she applied to only one  and got it.

• Maybe if I had that, then I’d be successful.

Little lies and the comparison game blur my perspective and make me lose sight of the gifts that I do have. In some cases, jealousy can become a poison that inebriates me to secretly cheer on the failure of another person. I fall into the lie that if others lose out on success, I’ll have it.

The second dagger of jealousy is often an “I’ll never be as good as them” mentality. Seeing the success of another sometimes makes it seem like I will never be as good or as accomplished, regardless of my talent, drive, and moxie. This paralyzing feeling has stopped me from applying to jobs, starting podcasts, posting photography on Instagram …. you name it.

In both cases, it is a manipulative move from the enemy.

Seeking Personal Potential

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus uses a parable of workers in the vineyard to talk about how the generosity of God is misunderstood. In the parable, the landowner hires workers at various times throughout the day to work in his vineyard. When the time comes for them to be paid, all the workers receive the same amount, leaving the workers who labored all day to grumble. The landowner responds to their moaning by retorting, “Are you envious because I am generous?”

This phrase, “Are you envious because I am generous?”, cuts deep. Am I jealous because God gives good gifts to my brothers and sisters? Am I not celebrating, and leaning on, the gifts of my brothers and sisters because I am too concerned with what God has “failed” to provide me? Am I not seeing that God is giving me exactly what he has promised?

The reaction of the workers is similar to that of the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Upset and disgruntled that the father is generous and merciful to the younger son, the older son is blind to the gifts he has in front of him. In response, the father comforts the older son by affirming that everything he has is also for the son.

There is a lot to unpack from these parables, but one thing is clear: God is good, and God is generous.

The lie the devil wants us to believe is that God is holding out on us. This playbook scheme goes back to the Garden of Eden, but the truth is that God is not holding out on us. Jealousy blinds us from seeing our gifts, halts us from pursuing our dreams, focuses our mission inward, and tempts us to tear down instead of bond together and build upward.

What would the workplace (and world) look like if we celebrated the accomplishments of our co-workers and friends instead of grumbling and comparing their lives to our own?

What if we took the accomplishments of others as inspiration and realized God is never outdone in generosity?

What if we realized there was plenty of room at the table for success and stopped juxtaposing our timeline with that of others?

Your mission, your hopes, and your skills will come to fruition, and they’ll do so more quickly if you realize that the success of others is, too, your success.

Practical Tips

1. Tell God about your jealousy.

When you feel like God is holding out on you, not answering a prayer, or ignoring your needs, tell him about it. Explain and offer up your emotions immediately as they bubble up to limit the power the emotion will have over you. You’ll be inviting God deeper into your desires, needs, and dreams.

2. Practice gratitude, and pray for others.

We can combat jealousy through the virtues of gratitude and kindness. Write a list of all the gifts (professional, personal, relational, spiritual, and physical) God gives you throughout the day, and meditate on them before you go to bed. Pray in thanksgiving for the people in your life you are jealous of. Especially if they are co-workers, family members, or friends, pray for their success, and ask God to show you how the two of you can use your skills and gifts to complement each other’s. By both recognizing your own gifts and praying for the ability to celebrate others, you’ll gain a better perspective on how God is working in your life and the lives of those around you.

3. Push yourself.

The unique mission for which you were created can not be fulfilled by any other person. Your gifts and talents are special and unrepeatable. If you are stuck in a phase of comparison and find it difficult to pursue your goals out of a fear of not being enough, discover the best method to push yourself to be the woman God created you to be. That method may be affirmation sticky notes on a mirror, a reminder on your cell phone, an affirming talk from a trusted friend, seeking out an accountability partner, therapy, or spiritual direction.

Marissa Vonesh is a recent graduate from the University of Miami. She currently works as the lead graphic designer for Moment magazine in Washington, D.C. A native to Northern Arizona and adventure junkie, she is no stranger to hiking, spontaneous road trips, and midnight adoration sessions. Visit her work at marissavonesh.com, or connect with her on Instagram.