“Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep” (Matthew 25:5).

I find the parable of the wise and foolish bridesmaids both engaging and irritating. It’s a universal story: A wedding is soon to take place. The wedding party is waiting, but the bridegroom is delayed, and there is no clarity on when he will arrive. The focus here is on the bridesmaids, who are waiting in the house with the bride (who is not mentioned) for the bridegroom to arrive once he has finished preparing the marital home. Then, they can all process to the home for the bride and groom to be wed.

It is a story of excitement and expectation, but one part of it goes wrong: Half of the bridesmaids have not thought ahead and do not have spare oil, which bridesmaids would usually keep in case the bridegroom was delayed. At the crucial moment, they run out of oil. Their lamps may go out, and they will not be able to see their way as they process to the couple’s new home. Being in a wedding party, they turn to their fellow bridesmaids and ask for help—for them to share their oil. But the other bridesmaids refuse to share, because they may not have enough for themselves and will not risk walking in the dark.

Getting to Know the Bridegroom

This response used to seem selfish to me; surely sharing is part of our journey. I reasoned that if I were a bridesmaid, these sanctimonious, clever ones would be happy to ask for my help, and I would be happy to help them! Reflecting further, however, I realized that it was not so much that they wouldn’t share but that they couldn’t. It seems to me that in this parable, the oil is my relationship with the Lord. I gather oil through prayer, getting to know the bridegroom (Jesus) and his ways through reading and reflecting on Scripture, and looking at the beauty of nature. Each of us will vary in how we get to know the bridegroom, but we must get to know him in order to be ready for him and his return.

When we know Jesus, we can explain our understanding and can share ways of getting to know him, but we can’t share our own unique, personal relationship with him. Like all relationships, this one is built over time with care and intent. If we prioritize our relationship with Jesus, we will be like the wise bridesmaids, preparing for the glorious moment when we enter the marital home. The wise bridesmaids can’t share their oil any more than I can split my relationship with Jesus to give part of it to someone else. It is simply not possible.

Preparing for the Feast

This parable speaks to me about preparing for the wedding feast of Heaven and the second coming through my daily life. In my home and at work, how do I prepare for all the ways that the Lord may speak to me? I love my job, I enjoy and value what I do ... but I need to ask myself what Jesus is saying to me. If he has called me, as his daughter, how do I live out that calling? What do I need to start doing, stop doing, do more of, and do less of? As I keep on pushing on with this life, where is the refreshment? How does he call me to the “cool of the evening” and how long will I have to wait for him to fulfill his promises? Am I in the right place? The bridesmaids were in the right place, waiting at the bride’s house, but it still went wrong for them. If I am in the right place, am I doing the right things?

The bride is the Church, preparing to join her groom in the wedding feast of eternity. As a bridesmaid, or individual member of the Church, I must consider how I am supporting the body of the Church in preparing for the return of the groom. What can I do to build up the church? How can I help other bridesmaids find more oil? Do I keep a careful watch for the coming of the groom?

Am I Burning Through My Oil?

I have a tendency to overwork. It can seem like a good thing: I will just finish that specific project or go above and beyond to help a certain person, to make sure we meet key performance indicators (KPIs) within deadlines to be sure that students (you might read colleagues, clients, customers, etc.) have a great experience. But, what is the cost? Am I burning through my oil too fast? How long will I have to wait in this moment for the Lord?

For me oil at the moment is relaxation, enjoyment, and rest from the intensity of life and work, particularly in this time of pandemic. Oil is also praying with my husband; we usually try to do morning prayer from the Office of the Church together in the mornings; share a bit about our plans for the day; and pray for family members, friends, and other intercessions. I also try to include 30 minutes of Lectio Divina during my day; in fact, my manager has included a well-being objective in my annual review, to which I have allocated 30 minutes of uninterrupted prayer every day.

This oil keeps me topped up while I wait on the Lord, serving him as best I can in my daily life as I look to his will. I pray that keeping my oil topped up will help me respond to him when he asks me to walk with him, perhaps by supporting a colleague. We never know what he will ask of us at any moment; often, it is a surprise.

Filling up my oil lamp, I hope, helps me to keep a reserve of resources so that I am able to be sustainable at work and at home, to have the energy to be generous with the people around me, and to live in and with him.

Rebecca Page-Tickell is an HR practitioner and business psychologist. She has worked for many years across a variety of organizations, including consultancy and blue chip organizations. She has now settled into academia and loves the positive intent of the academic world as well as the opportunity to always be learning. She is halfway through her Ph.D. in higher education and is enormously grateful for the patience of her deacon husband and four grown-up children. She enjoys family time and loves being part of her local parish.