“From the moment of her fiat, Mary began to carry all of us in her womb” (St. Anselm of Canterbury).

Editor’s note: This Advent, the Catholic Women in Business team is exploring the many ways God calls us to cooperate with his will and how we can proclaim our own “fiat.” Join our writers as they share their personal and professional experiences, lessons learned, and reflections from Scripture and the saints on discernment, trust, and surrender. Read more here.

A Difficult Prayer

I’ve started looking forward to Reconciliation. Following a friend’s example (she went weekly during Lent), I’ve been going every few weeks. It can be repetitious—same sins, different week—but it’s also a necessary reminder of God’s grace and mercy.

A few weeks ago, after I confessed, I heard the priest say the dreaded words: “For your penance, I want you to pray the Litany of Humility.”

“Oh no,” I thought. “Not that! How about 100 Hail Marys instead? Is this really necessary?”

I sighed and left the confessional.

I sat down on a pew and pulled up the Litany on my phone. I stared at the words and thought, “I cannot pray this. I do not want to be delivered of these things.”

For those of you not familiar with this particular prayer, it is a tough one. Here is a sample:

• From the desire of being loved (deliver me, Jesus).

• From the desire of being praised (deliver me, Jesus).

• From the fear of being forgotten (deliver me, Jesus).

• That others may be chosen, and I set aside (Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it).

Then, I remembered an Advent retreat I attended several years ago. One of the speakers was a wise nun with a welcoming smile and twinkling eyes. She told us that if we can’t honestly pray, “I want God’s will in my life,” then we must start with, “I want to want God’s will in my life.”

So, that’s where I began with the Litany of Humility. “From the desire of being loved, I want to want to be delivered of this.” It was clunky and awkward, but it may be my most honest prayer. I felt something shift as I continued with each line.

Something New

After I finished the Litany, more prayers began to pour out that I hadn’t realized were on my heart. Soon, I found myself praying, “And even if the answer is ‘no,’ I will praise you and love you.”

Hold on.

“Even if the answer is no.”

What was happening? Where did those words come from? It felt like I had just prayed my own fiat. And it felt honest.

As I knelt, I felt my heart open wide. I’ve felt close to God in prayer, and I’ve felt peace, but this was different. This was surrender.

Here are a few things I took to heart that night:

• If you don’t want to do the penance, don’t go to Confession.

• Even when your penance seems like a lot, it’s what God’s calling you to do.

• It’s OK to tell God you’re not ready to let go of what he’s asking you to let go.

• Go to Adoration. There is nothing better than praying with Jesus.

• Open your heart. You may be surprised at what pours out, but God will not be.

Thank you, Mary, for your faithful example of complete trust and surrender to God. Help us, through your grace, to be unafraid of saying “yes” to all he asks of us.

Cathi Kennedy is passionate about building relationships. At the University of Notre Dame, she advises graduate students for the Mendoza College of Business. Her background is in marketing and communications, and she recently received her MBA. Impassioned writer, voracious reader, aspiring knitter. Married to a musician and mom to two amazing sons. Cathi is a convert to Catholicism and seeks to learn something new about her faith every day. Connect with Cathi: LinkedIn • Instagram • Facebook • Blog