“Therefore I praised joy, because there is nothing better for mortals under the sun than to eat and to drink and to be joyful; this will accompany them in their toil through the limited days of life God gives them under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 8:15).

Laughter.

The sound of it can lighten a room's mood instantly. It can diffuse a tense situation, bring people together, and create a moment of silliness that is just what someone needs.

My friend and I just had a lengthy text exchange about something that happened over 30 years ago. It still made my sides hurt, I laughed so much.

I’m the woman at the restaurant who gets asked to quiet down because the chortling is disturbing the other customers.

I like to laugh, and I like to make others laugh.

The Humor Habit

I was talking with a new-to-me therapist last summer at a get-to-know-each-other intake appointment. I had not had luck finding a therapist I clicked with and was hopeful this referral would be the right fit. We were chatting; she was asking me questions about myself and why I was seeking a therapist, and I was making jokes in true Cathi fashion. At one point, she remarked that I was funny but that my humor was mostly making fun of myself and my situation. She asked if I did that a lot.

Hmmm. I thought about it for a minute. “Yes,” I said. “I believe that I do use humor to deflect difficult situations and uncomfortable feelings. When things get too serious or close for comfort, I hit them with a zinger. Soon, everyone laughs and forgets the topic I want to avoid.”

I did not end up working with this therapist, but the conversation stuck with me. I began to notice when I would feel the need to crack a joke or make a witty remark. I found that most times, it was when someone was complimenting me.

Not a helpful habit.

Laughter in the Office

My love for laughter and making jokes is hit or miss in the professional setting. I had one job in particular where my co-workers did not appreciate my attempts at humor. Unfortunately, “jokes” in that office were weapons used to belittle others. But it was the exception. I have had great success using humor to make genuine friendships and contribute positively to my work climate.

I once read that “funny women” in the workplace may be perceived as unprofessional. “Well, I’m doomed,” I thought. After my conversation with the therapist, I became more aware of when I felt the need to deflect attention away from myself with a joke, especially at work. I am concerned that I will use a joke to minimize my contribution to the conversation if I lack confidence or feel that I don’t belong. That is not OK for me. It’s not OK for anyone.

I’m still the person who makes jokes in meetings. I will always be that person. But I am learning not to use humor as a defense mechanism. If you have this habit of making jokes with your co-workers, I encourage you to make a note of the situation the next time it happens. Is your motivation to lighten the mood, or is something else triggering the behavior?

Scripture reminds us that there is a time for weeping and a time for laughter (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Let's continue using humor in the workplace and our personal life to make someone smile, bring joy, and build up and connect with others.

Now, let me tell you about the time a priest, a rabbi, and a bear walked into a bar.

Cathi Kennedy is passionate about building relationships. At the University of Notre Dame, she advises graduate students for the Mendoza College of Business. Her background is in marketing and communications, and she recently received her MBA. Impassioned writer, voracious reader, aspiring knitter. Married to a musician and a mom to two amazing sons. Cathi is a convert to Catholicism and seeks to learn something new about her faith every day. Connect with Cathi: LinkedIn • Instagram • Facebook • Blog