“A clean heart create for me, God; renew within me a steadfast spirit” (Psalm 51:12).

Editor’s note: This article is part of our Advent 2024 series, “Waiting for Christ With a Receptive Heart.” Read more here.

Imagine the most precious gift you could receive: a clear and holy conscience.

Such a conscience allows us to be open and free, to be present in the moment, and experience no shame. What a gift!

For many women, shame is a constant source of humiliation and degradation, often imposed on them from previous experiences in their life. The shame may be caused by actions they took in high school, college, or as a young adult, which were not aligned with their faith. The actions may also have been done to her without her consent, which can still be a source of feelings of guilt or shame that are persistent and pervasive.

For Catholics, we are blessed to have the Sacrament of Reconciliation, which restores wholeness and clears all shame and embarrassment, freeing us to live the beautiful life God intends for us. Without the Sacrament of Reconciliation, a woman can feel locked into a never-ending cycle of shame, which impacts her ability to receive good things in her life. She may feel she does not deserve good things or that she is so flawed that she is unlovable. She may turn away from the good that is all around her because she struggles to forgive herself for her actions. The beautiful Sacrament of Reconciliation restores the recipient to right relationship with God and neighbor.

Participating in the Sacrament of Reconciliation during the season of Advent is a gift you can give to yourself. If it’s been a while since you last sought this sacrament, the steps below will help you make a confession that is honest and true, freeing you from shame.

1. Determine Where and When You Will Go

The first step to participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation is to find out when and where you can access it. If you do not feel comfortable going face to face with a priest, find a church that provides a confessional with a small, private compartment for each of you. He will hear you, but he will not see you, except obscured through his screen.

2. Do an Examination of Conscience

The second step is to do an Examination of Conscience. Consider basing it on the Ten Commandments, as well as Jesus’ commandment to love God above all other things and our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:28-31).

Begin by praying and asking God to help you see your sinful acts. Ask yourself where you have fallen short of the guiding principles of our faith, given to Moses on Mount Sinai by God Himself. Consider how these choices impacted your life in ways that were harmful to yourself or others.

3. Confess Your Sins

The third step to a good confession is to confess all your sins to the priest. During your Examination of Conscience, you do not have to make a list of your sins, but it helps to remember them when you enter the confessional.

Do not hold back out of embarrassment. Priests often say they rarely, if ever, hear new sins, so you will not surprise them. As the priest hears your confession, he will look for a contrite and sorrowful heart.

4. Receive Advice and Penance

Listen to the priest, and take any advice or suggestions he may offer to help you avoid sin in the future. Remember that he will also give you a penance to complete as a way to help you restore right relationship with God and your fellow human beings.

5. Receive Absolution

Finally, the priest will give you absolution, which is forgiveness for your sins and restoration to wholeness in God’s eyes. At this point, I always receive the most freeing feeling. What a gift, especially at this time of the year!

Through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we invite God to create a clean heart within us, renewing us with His steadfast spirit. His mercy is always new, and when we have a contrite, sorrowful heart for offending Him through our sinfulness, He restores and heals us, returning us to the wholeness we experienced at our birth. When we are restored to our fundamental nature, we are free of shame and able to receive all the good He has in store for us.

Make attending the Sacrament of Reconciliation a must-do on your to-do list this Advent!

Kate Walsh-Soucheray is a wife of 42 years, a mother of three adult, married children, and grandmother of six beautiful, active grandchildren. She is a former Catholic high school Religion teacher and a former Christian Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Dr. Walsh-Soucheray writes a monthly column for the Catholic Spirit, the Archdiocesan newspaper of Minneapolis and St. Paul, called Simple Holiness. She is now retired and writes and speaks for Catholic women’s groups, Cana Dinners, and leads retreats for Catholic groups about integrating holiness into our everyday lives. Find her daily reflection and encouragement for Catholic women on LinkedIn.