“The liturgy of Advent…helps us to understand fully the value and meaning of the mystery of Christmas. It is not just about commemorating the historical event, which occurred some 2,000 years ago in a little village of Judea. Instead, it is necessary to understand that the whole of our life must be an ‘advent,’ a vigilant awaiting of the final coming of Christ” (Pope St. John Paul II).

Editor’s note: This article is part of our Advent 2024 series, “Waiting for Christ With a Receptive Heart.” Read more here.

My Secular Advent Season

As with many American Catholics, I grew up with a relatively vague sense of Advent. We had an Advent wreath on the table at dinner and sometimes had a calendar with bits of chocolate behind each door. Mostly, though, Advent seemed to be that interminably long season that kept Christmas from coming.

When I married and wanted to create our family’s traditions, blending practices with my husband’s moved us even further away from a holy Advent season. He was not raised Catholic and always began decorating for Christmas immediately following Thanksgiving. While the Friday after Thanksgiving might be known as Black Friday, in our home, it was an official holiday known as Decorating Day. We got up early to take out all of the decorations, played Christmas music, made Decorating Day drinks, and finished the day eating “turkey bowls” (all of the leftovers piled together in one bowl, yum!) while watching Christmas movies in the glow of the Christmas tree.

Our holiday tradition continued this way throughout my children’s growing up years. It wasn’t until my older daughter decided that her young family was going to alter that tradition and focus more intentionally on Advent that I began to reflect more earnestly on this holy season.

What Is Advent?

Most people know that the word “advent” means “coming,” and many know that the focus of this season is on light. It is to be a season of preparation for the coming of Jesus, both in history as a baby and in the future, at the second coming. What I did not realize until recently is how similar the season of Advent is to the season of Lent. Advent began as a second Lent, a season of fasting, prayer, and spiritual preparation. While it was not as strict as Lent, it instituted a level of austerity that is quite contrary to our modern practice during the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas!

There are many great reflections written about the meaning of Advent, and I do not wish to reiterate them here. It is valuable to understand the history of this season, but learning about the ideology behind Advent is one thing. Putting it into practice, particularly in a culture that begins celebrating Christmas as early as October, is much different.

Why Is Advent Important?

When we skip over Advent and jump directly into Christmas, we ignore a special gift from the Church. Of course, we all love to celebrate Christmas with decorations and food, movies, festivities, and—of course— gifts. But by skipping the season of preparation, what are we missing out on?

We have all heard and most likely proudly proclaimed some version of “Keeping Christ in Christmas,” of “The real reason for the season,” but it wasn’t until our family stopped participating in the immediate gratification of Christmas before it began that we realized the true blessing of Advent.

As our family decided to make this shift, we discovered a serenity that typically eludes people during the weeks before Christmas. We grounded our December in reflective quiet rather than the hectic schedule of Christmas parties, endless shopping, and social media-worthy home decorating. This quiet allowed us to stay focused on the waiting and the Person for whom we were waiting.

Redefining Decorating Day

My husband was skeptical of this endeavor. To be honest, so was I. We had spent over 25 years participating in this tradition, and we both love the entire holiday season from November 1 to January 1. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year for us.

In order to gradually make the change, we made some compromises. As with much of our faith, it was more about our intention. We made it less about the decorations themselves and more about the thoughts and purpose behind them. We maintain our Decorating Day festivities, but the decorations are different. We replaced the traditional Santa Claus pieces with more greenery and simple white candles. We put out the creche empty but for the animals. We put up the tree without any ornaments. The decor still shifts from the vibrant colors of fall that we use through Thanksgiving—but to a more muted palette of white and green, with the splash of purple and pink in the Advent wreath.

The day itself still involves our turkey bowls, hot toddies, and the family gathered together. We did not lose any of the joy, because our hands are still focused on the activities of remaking the house to usher in the season—and our hearts are even more keenly aware of why this season is so special. By intentionally choosing not to put out certain things just yet, we are continuously reminded of Christ and the truth that we are, indeed, in a season of waiting.

New Traditions

We could not let go of the tradition of watching Christmas movies throughout Advent—mostly because there are so many beloved movies that it takes us four weeks to watch them all—but we did add other movies that highlight the season. A few of the new additions are The Bishop’s Wife (1947), The Preacher’s Wife (1996), and Little Women (1994).

One new tradition came after much deliberation regarding the Christmas tree. We decided that my grandchildren would add one ornament each to the tree after dinner each night. (Actually, my husband does, too!) It is a way of building the anticipation, as they see the tree transform gradually rather than all at once. It gives us an opportunity to enjoy each ornament, recall the story of where it came from, and pause in the moment rather than hurrying to get it done.

Embracing the Church’s Liturgical Calendar

The Church gives us such a gift in the liturgical calendar. We have times of feasting and times of fasting. We have days of celebration and days of ordinary time. I find this rhythm helpful in regulating my interior journey and in balancing our family life. We will have days that are just ordinary, and knowing that Ordinary Time is a recognized state of the Church makes even those days holy. The cadence of the year brings a rhythm to our life that is reassuring during seasons of difficulty and reminds us that even as things change and grow, they should be spiraling us toward Heaven.

Refocusing on Advent as its own season with an intrinsic purpose and value, not simply the precursor to Christmas, brought peace to our December and slowed down that time of preparation. The attention we pay to God’s presence with us in the waiting brings greater meaning to all of the reasons for this season that we strive to protect and profess. Simply acknowledging that Advent is not yet Christmas shifted all of us interiorly, and our exterior changes give us a visual reminder of that shift.

Even though we had always read the Scriptures that foretold the coming Messiah, created our own Jesse tree with handmade images, lit our Advent wreath, and attempted to stay in “preparation mode,” it was difficult to do when our surroundings were already proclaiming that Christmas had arrived. By altering our physical surroundings to be more liturgically aligned, we became more interiorly focused on the anticipation of the coming of our Savior—both as a baby in a manger and as our King forever.

Laryn Weaver is a career chameleon with a consistent focus. Her goal is for each person she encounters to have a deep understanding of their own worth and value and an awareness of the skills and gifts that they bring to the world. While not technically a business coach, 95% of her clients are in the business world. For 25 years, her desire has been to build up the women as they build their lives. Laryn is the author of four books and spent part of her career as a motivational speaker for Catholic women and women in business. She regards her marriage of 31 years and her four adult children who love Jesus and have a commitment to beauty, truth, and goodness her greatest accomplishments. Her latest blessings are the four grandbabies who add abundantly to her gratitude! Find out more about Laryn and the services she offers at larynweaver.com.