“Our earthly life is a preparation for the future life, and this preparation ends with our death. Then a man leaves all his earthly cares; the body disintegrates, in order to rise anew at the Resurrection” (St. John the Wonderworker).

Editor’s note: If you would like to learn more about estate planning from a Catholic perspective, join the CWIB Membership Community and attend our June Mastermind Meeting, in which Linda A. Burrows, JD, will share on this topic.

As I prepared for 2024, I asked a few groups of friends, mentors, and clients for ideas for blog topics. Over 75% of their ideas related to financial considerations within estate planning. Before I dig into this topic, I need to be clear: I am not an attorney, and my thoughts in this article are not financial advice but education. To know what is best for you or your loved ones, you need to talk to a professional. Everyone’s finances are different, everyone’s family is different, and everyone’s needs are different. This article simply dives into some ways to be prepared and some ideas to discuss with loved ones so everyone is on the same page.

With that caveat in mind, here are three financial considerations to make when it comes to estate planning.

1. Have the Hard Conversations

It’s not easy to talk about death, whether it’s your own, your spouse’s, your parents’, or the death of anyone else whom you care about. Too often, the mindset is, “If I don’t think about it, it won’t happen.” Sometimes, parents are private about their finances or assets and do not want to share that information, even with their grown children.

Unfortunately, these attitudes can lead to conflict after someone passes away. As hard as the conversations might be, it is important to sit down and talk to our loved ones about our desires. We should notify anyone who is in our will or estate documents, especially if they’re receiving a large portion or playing an important role. Ensuring as few surprises as possible will make for the smoothest transition possible.

The other side of this coin can be a bit trickier to handle. If you have a good reason to believe you will be included in a major way in someone else’s estate, but they have not discussed it with you, you may need to be bold and ask them. Typically, you might need to do so with, at a minimum, your parents, your spouse, and maybe your siblings.

I would recommend approaching this conversation with a helpful attitude. No one is going to respond well if you are implying in any way that you want them to be gone so you can have an inheritance. To start the ball rolling, try something along the lines of, “Hey Mom, I just want to be sure your and Dad’s wishes are taken care of when you pass, hopefully in a long, long time. Do you think you could review your estate documents with me to be sure I understand them?”

If privacy is extremely important to the person you are talking to, you might say something like, “I don’t need to know the exact numbers; I just want to be sure we are respectful and responsible in case anything were to happen.”

You do not need to know the exact numbers in their accounts; they will more than likely be different when the person passes away, anyway. Being aware of your responsibility and having the contact information for people you may need to talk to (e.g., the estate attorney, financial advisor, executor, etc.), will not only ease your mind but also allow you to celebrate their life and pray for their soul without some of the additional stress of not having known what their wishes were.

2. Operate From a State of Gratitude, Not Entitlement

You have probably spoken with someone who has been through a difficult estate settlement. Even in the closest families, emotions run high at times of death, and trying to agree on the right steps and timing of settling someone’s affairs is complicated. Some people want closure before they mourn. Some people need to mourn before they can begin to work through assets. Some people can become greedy. Some people like all the details to be fully documented. The list goes on.

In the end, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control yourself. Operate as gracefully as you can. Be grateful for the life of your loved one, for all they accomplished and even for what they may have left behind for you, but do not feel entitled to anything. After all, it was not yours in the first place.

With that being said, I do believe there are times to be firm and bold. If someone is trying to take advantage of someone, steal from the estate, or operate outside of good moral character, you may need to step in. Even here, remember that emotions run high after losing a loved one. You do not want to lose other relationships over trivial things. Be discerning in how you approach someone if you need to, and seek help if it is not an area you are comfortable or familiar with.

3. Do Not Neglect Your Estate Planning, Know When to Ask for Help, and Have the Resources Already in Place

Estate planning is a huge topic consisting of wills, trusts, asset titling, guardianship, power of attorney, and more. While everyone’s situation is different, you may need assistance both in creating your own documents and in executing someone else’s wishes.

First, your estate planning: Do you need a will? What about a trust? Who is listed as beneficiaries on your retirement plan? Find someone who is knowledgeable, and ask them your questions. There are plenty of seminars available that teach you about estate planning.

Every state has its own estate laws and probate process, so find a professional or an educational event in your state to answer your questions. Typically, an estate attorney is the way to go. Some even offer an initial meeting for free.

Once you have pulled your documents and titling together, make sure to keep them updated. I have been told time and time again about parents who passed with old documents. If they are valid, they still dictate how the person’s assets must be dispersed—even if an old friend who is no longer in someone’s life is left $100,000!

At least every few years, be sure to read through the documents and check for necessary updates. Review them after every major life event (e.g., marriage, child, death of a beneficiary, etc.). There is nothing your survivors can do if something in the will goes against your wishes.

Finally, maintain a list of resources that includes an estate attorney, a financial adviser, and a trusted friend. You do not want to be searching for these people in the midst of dealing with death. Unfortunately, there are people out there who take advantage of people in crisis. It’s very helpful to already have the contact information for people you know and trust to discuss the best course of action.

You will probably need to work with the professionals who helped the deceased, but you can always ask for an outside opinion if something seems off. If you are the executor, you can transfer assets to your preferred adviser as you manage the estate. If you are simply an heir, you can pick who manages the assets for you after the distributions. You are not required to stay with the previous firm. The process can be confusing; do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.

While this topic is not always particularly uplifting, it is important. We will all have to encounter the death of loved ones. Knowing what might be involved can make it a bit easier. Remember, though, that the most important thing is to pray for the soul of the deceased and those closest to them. Our treasure should not be of this world but of the world to come (Matthew 6:19-21). Keep your eyes on Heaven, and keep Jesus close. Allow Him to comfort and guide you amid your sorrow.

Erica Mathews is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional with Financial Counseling Associates, a small, family owned, independent, financial planning and investment management firm. She is passionate about helping families and individuals build their wealth so they can live out the calls God has placed on their hearts. As a wife, mom of four, and businesswomen, she understands the complexities of family life and helps relieve the burden of financial stress with organization, a plan, and automation so her clients hit their goals. She lives in Colorado with her husband and four kids. They love everything outdoors including gardening, hiking, biking and simply exploring nature. If you would like to reach out to Erica, her email is erica@fca-inc.com.