“Stick to it now, my mind, and pay close attention” (St. Augustine, The Confessions, Book XI Chapter 27).

In 2022, as things were returning to “normal” after COVID-related office closures, I quickly realized that things were not returning to normal for me. I felt pulled in a thousand different directions, unable to concentrate, constantly forgetting things at home or the office during a hybrid schedule. I struggled to contain negative emotions, I was exhausted from interacting with colleagues, and I felt totally clueless as to what was wrong or what might help.

“Something is wrong with my brain!” I cried to my therapist. 

After a conversation, some self-assessments, and a psychiatrist referral, I did ultimately find out that while nothing was wrong, something was different–I was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). In honor of ADHD Awareness Month, I’m honored to share more about my journey and some of the lessons and skills I learned along the way.

ADHD Affects Women Differently

Prior to my diagnosis in my late 30s, I was long aware of ADHD; but when I thought of it, the “hyperactive boy” I’d gone to school with came to mind. In fact, ADHD can present very differently in women, resulting in underdiagnosis and being diagnosed later in life. Girls and women often cope with “internal” symptoms, like trouble focusing, fidgeting, talking excessively (or in my case, uncontrollable interrupting), racing thoughts, and social difficulties. I was both shocked and extremely relieved to realize my lifetime difficulties with social interactions, trouble sitting still, and constant stimulus overwhelm were attributable to ADHD and my brain’s unique functioning, not to a “deficit” within myself I just couldn’t overcome.

Grant Yourself, and Ask for, Grace

If you’re struggling with ADHD, or even if you’re not, it’s important to grant yourself grace when coping with symptoms like inattention or social anxiety. I love the quote from St. Augustine above; even saints struggle with inattention from time to time. My diagnosis with ADHD gave me tools and a vocabulary for explaining the way I function and my needs, particularly at work. 

Before starting my own business, I worked in a traditional office environment in a cubicle for nearly a decade, and I found the constant stimulation overwhelming and exhausting. Knowing my own needs was one of the reasons I took the leap to co-found my own business.

Not every day will go well. Sometimes your coping mechanisms will work to manage your symptoms, and sometimes they won’t. If you decide to pursue medication options, some may work for you and others may not. I’ve found it necessary to grant myself grace when days don’t go well, but also to ask for grace from others. It’s made me a better advocate for myself and more empathetic to others who are struggling. 

A particularly proud moment was seeing my daughter playing with one of my fidget toys. When I asked for it back, she said, “But Mama, I need it for focus and concentration.” 

I let her keep it.

Take Small Steps in Your Journey

Here are a few practical tips that have helped me.

• Know your triggers. I am quick to experience sensory overwhelm. I know (after many experiences) to avoid crowds. I don’t attend parades; I go to shopping malls right when they open. If crowds are necessary, I try to limit exposure and build in alone time to recover. When attending conferences, I sometimes skip group meals or spend breaks alone.

• Share what you need and how you work best. I quickly realized that a coping mechanism I’d developed to deal with some of the symptoms of my ADHD (my tendency to forget something if it isn’t right in front of me) was the “anti-procrastination” tactic of doing all tasks immediately—sometimes within minutes. As I typically function this way, I don’t let tasks accumulate, and I can be very responsive to needs or demands in my personal or professional life. To many, it was coming across as show-offy or pushy (Look how fast I can complete tasks! Faster than you!). This was not my intention at all, but it required me to be open and honest, over and over again, with colleagues: This is how I have to cope with my ADHD. Otherwise, I’ll forget. If I do forget, remind me. If I don’t complete a task or respond to an email within a week, I’ve probably forgotten. It is not intended to show off how fast I can work: It is literally the only way I can work.

• Develop tools and tricks that work for you. I always keep multiple fidget objects near me (I’m not the only one with ADHD in my household, so they’re in hot demand some days). I also alternate between assignments and tasks, utilize white or brown noise in the background, and take movement breaks. Being a consultant and small business owner has allowed me to adapt more easily to this structure than I could when I was employed in a traditional work environment. I’m no longer required to adhere to any specific office setup or environment, and I can move around between locations and tasks as frequently as I want or need to.

• Celebrate your strengths. Although living with neurodiversity certainly comes with challenges, it also brings some significant strengths. For me, this means that my tendency to hyper-fixate makes me a great colleague to have around when something new needs to be learned, fast. I enjoy jumping from task to task and am easily bored; in my three-person business, I’m often the one developing tools and samples across all of our clients and can easily jump into any conversation, providing necessary comprehensive support on a small team. As a meeting facilitator, I’m conscious of a variety of learning needs and normalize using fidget objects or moving around. In the middle of stimulus overwhelm, ADHD is hard; but most days, I’m incredibly grateful for this gift that led me to meaningful work and a manageable schedule for my needs. 

Having ADHD is a gift, but one that requires maintenance. It’s important to know yourself, adapt to your environment as you can, and ensure others know how best to support you.

Sarah Battersby has a Bachelor's in English and a Master's in Social Work and has spent most of her career working with students and student-serving organizations. She is the co-founder of a consulting firm that serves donors and philanthropic organizations seeking to create and manage impactful scholarship programs. She loves reading, baking, being a mentor, and discovering new things with her daughter. She lives in North Carolina with her family.