“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

I can’t remember a time I wasn’t anxious. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in middle school but didn’t get proper help for it until my late 20s, when I finally started seeing a therapist regularly. After about six years of therapy, I’m certainly not cured—but I have the tools to manage it most days. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’m willing to say the words “I have social anxiety disorder,” and I still am sometimes afraid of being judged for it.

So, the subtitle of the new book “The Anxious Achiever,” by Morra Aarons-Mele, made me a little dubious. “Turn your biggest fears into your leadership superpower”? Really? Social anxiety seems more like a liability than a strength.

Despite the fact that I’ve listened periodically to Aarons-Mele’s podcast (also called “The Anxious Achiever”) and enjoyed what I’ve heard, I was worried the book would be a superficial attempt at encouragement rather than an honest look at anxiety and how to manage it as a leader.

I’m happy to say that I was wrong. “The Anxious Achiever” is an unflinching, vulnerable depiction of anxiety and a guide for managing it well:

Anxiety at work is a double-edged sword: unmanaged, it can take you down, but dealing with it and capitalizing on its positive aspects can help you see around corners, expand your empathy, and communicate more effectively.

No Shame

It was comforting to read not only Aarons-Mele’s own stories of her sometimes debilitating anxiety but the stories of other leaders—often of major organizations—who shared their experiences with her. These stories do not shy away from the pain anxiety causes, and they also do not contain any shame.

Indeed, Aarons-Mele points out that it takes courage to face your fears, and we need courageous leaders. She says that people with anxiety are also often great at planning for the future, are highly empathetic, work hard, and are willing to ask for help. Unmanaged anxiety, however, can cloud those gifts and become an impediment to living the life we are meant to live—the life, I would add, that God created us to live.

Again, though, no shame! Indeed, I felt validated by the fact that Aarons-Mele dedicated an entire chapter to social anxiety. I started questioning all the gifts that she says come with social anxiety, including conscientiousness, empathy, intuition, “a highly attuned social radar,” and listening skills. After all, I spend a lot of time in conversations with strangers and new friends worrying about what I’m going to say rather than listening. But she immediately clarifies that with treatment and practice, people with social anxiety can leave behind the fear of rejection while keeping and cultivating those strengths.

An Anxiety Toolbox for Leaders

“The Anxious Achiever” isn’t just encouragement for anxious people, though. The bulk of the book is dedicated to practical tips and strategies for people with anxiety who are—or would like to be—leaders. Aarons-Mele recommends therapy, of course, for anyone who could benefit from it (personally, I think that’s probably most people). But, for anyone who doesn’t have access to therapy, or to use in combination with therapy, the strategies in this book are useful. They’re also based on research and the perspectives of experts Aarons-Mele interviewed.

There are many books about anxiety, full of practical advice. What makes “The Anxious Achiever” unique is that it is specifically aimed at leaders. For example, Aarons-Mele mentions several times the temptation to attempt to alleviate anxiety by micromanaging.

“The best way to tame micromanaging tendencies is to address your anxiety,” writes Aarons-Mele. For many leaders (myself, too often, included), anxiety leads to the need to maintain control, which leads to micromanaging. She says that Jerry Colonna, a leadership expert with anxiety whom she interviewed, “thinks that micromanaging is anxiety married to perfectionism.”

As someone with an anxiety disorder who also struggles with perfectionism, this rings true to me—but I hadn’t considered how these traits might affect my leadership style. As we continue to grow the Catholic Women in Business team, it’s definitely something I will be monitoring myself for.

If you struggle with anxiety (clinical or otherwise) and aspire to effective leadership, I highly recommend “The Anxious Achiever” (along with prayer and therapy). It’s an honest but encouraging examination of the topic, full of practical wisdom and helpful exercises.

I’ll leave you with one of Aarons-Mele’s main messages, as stated by Harvard Business School professor Nancy Koehn: “Purpose and working for others ‘fortifies the stronger parts of you. It lowers the fear volume.’”

As Catholic women leaders, isn’t that music to the ear?

Taryn DeLong is a Catholic wife and mother in North Carolina and serves as co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business. Her writing has appeared in publications such as FemCatholic, Natural Womanhood, CatholicMom.com, Radiant Magazine, and Live Today Well Co. She enjoys curling up with a cup of Earl Grey and a good novel, playing the piano, and taking walks in the sunshine with her family. Connect with Taryn: Twitter • Instagram • Facebook • LinkedIn • Blog • Substack