It’s OK to Ask for Help: Therapy and the Catholic Businesswoman

“And of what should we be afraid? Our captain on this battlefield is Christ Jesus ... So we must fight courageously and mark ourselves with the sign of the most Holy Cross” (St. Catherine of Siena).

I’ve seen several therapists in my life, but it wasn’t until four years ago next month that I found one I really liked — and had the courage to stick with it. I saw her every week for a year or two; now, my anxiety disorders are well-managed enough that I don’t need to see her as frequently (until the pandemic, that is!).

I felt a lot of shame around seeing a therapist at first. I didn’t tell anyone except my immediate family and my two closest friends. I didn’t even tell my now-fiancé for the first couple of months that we dated. Partly, it was because I’ve always felt a lot of shame and even denial about my social anxiety; it felt like something was disordered in me that was “normal” in everyone else and that I was a bad or defective person because of it. Now, I understand that something is disordered in me, but I am still a whole and valuable child of God, no more or less than everyone else. (I don’t always remember this truth, but it’s always there for me to go back to!)

I’ve grown a lot in the four years since I started therapy. It’s partly due to a reconnection — almost a reversion, really — to my Catholic faith. It’s partly due to meeting my fiancé and falling in love with him. But it’s also partly due to therapy. And not only am I not ashamed of the work I did in therapy, but I’m proud of it. It was a hard-won battle to reach where I am now. You can win that battle, too.

What Is Therapy?

Therapy can be a lot of different things, depending on your needs and your therapist’s approach. But fundamentally, it’s a series of conversations between you and a professional (a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, or social worker) focused on “examining and gaining insight into life choices and difficulties.” For example, my sessions started out with exploring the day-to-day challenges I faced due to my anxiety, exploring what caused those issues, and learning strategies for coping and restructuring my unhealthy thought patterns.

Why Should I See a Therapist?

“Therapy offers a non-judgmental, confidential, and solution-focused environment for you to figure out how to regain control of your life and succeed in your goals,” says Julia Marie Hogan, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor, owner of Catholic-based Viva Optimum Counseling, and author of the book “It’s OK to Start with You.” Therapists, she points out, are objective, confidential experts who can give you a safe space to talk about your mental health and your goals and give you science-supported help.

As a Catholic woman in business, you are likely busy and stressed (especially now!). You have a lot on your plate, and you have a lot of people relying on you. It’s OK to ask for help. In fact, it’s a sign of maturity, courage, and humility.

How Can I Find a Therapist?

Ask your friends! You may be surprised at how many of them could recommend a therapist they trust.

I used Psychology Today’s online directory to find my therapist. You can search by location, mental health condition, insurance, gender, language, types of therapy, ethnicity, and even religion. You can also look for support groups and teletherapy here.

After you have your first session, know that it’s OK to find another therapist if it wasn’t the right fit. Any good therapist will understand that not every therapist is a good fit for every client. If his or her approach wasn’t quite what you feel like you need, if you didn’t feel respected or heard, try someone else. Believe me — it’s worth the search.

Do I Need Therapy, Coaching, or Spiritual Direction?

Therapy and coaching are both great tools for personal and professional growth. But they’re not the same. If you have a diagnosed mental illness, like I do, a therapist’s specialized education and training will be critical in helping you learn to cope and become healthy. If you experience suicidal feelings, thoughts, or actions, or you are coping with a trauma or grieving the loss of a person or a relationship, therapy is for you.

If, on the other hand, you are reasonably mentally healthy and looking for some support in a professional or personal transition, want support as an entrepreneur or business leader, or have a particular personal or professional goal you want some help in achieving, it might be a good idea to look for a coach, instead, as Krista Steele, a licensed social worker and coach, points out.

Whether you’re working with a therapist or a coach (or both!), be sure the person you’re working with has some credentials to back up his or her work. Anyone can build a website and call themselves a coach; look for someone with credentials from the International Coaching Federation or another legitimate accrediting body. Does the therapist or coach have initials behind his or her name? That’s a good sign, but make sure those letters actually mean something and were earned through an accredited educational program. Therapy, especially, with an untrained person could be detrimental to your well-being.

Spiritual direction, meanwhile, is focused on your relationship with the Lord. A spiritual director will help you improve your prayer life, learn to contemplate, and remove the obstacles to encountering Christ on a deep level. In this way, it’s likely that each of us could use a spiritual director in our lives.

What’s your experience with therapy? Do you have any questions about how it’s helped me? I’m happy to chat! Reach out to me on Instagram @Taryn_Oesch, or email me at taryn@everydayroseseditorial.com. (Note that I am not a therapist or a coach, so I can only share my experience and commiserate with yours, not provide professional advice.)

Taryn Oesch is the managing editor of Catholic Women in Business, a contributing writer and assistant editor at FemCatholic.com, and a fertility educator in training. An active volunteer, Taryn is the board secretary and communications chair at The Power of the Dream, a head coach at Miracle League of the Triangle, and a volunteer at Birthchoice of Wake County. You can follow Taryn on Twitter; on Instagram; on Facebook; and on her blog, Everyday Roses.