“Whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna” (Matthew 5:22).

It’s not like I slipped. I knew it was wrong, but I put a crown on my head anyway and dubbed someone incompetent. Problem is, like anyone not named Charles, I look silly in a crown.

My boss’ boss, Chris, had told me to make a change in the agency style guide I had just spent months creating. “I can’t do that,” I explained. “I promised the writers there wouldn’t be changes for at least a year.”

“You’ll do it now,” he answered.

Shocked at not getting my way and incensed that the way I had always done it meant nothing to him, I started to denigrate Chris to my staff—until I remembered it’s a sin against justice to damage someone’s reputation without good reason.

When I cooled down, I had to admit that Chris was the boss, and he had reasons for his decisions that I wasn’t not privy to. How would I feel if my staff criticized me behind my back? Wouldn’t I rather they asked my reason for a decision and then accepted the answer out of respect for my position?

The Fallen Queen

I was sure I had swapped my tiara for a halo once and for all. How often had I prayed not to let negative feelings affect what I say about other people? How many times had I tried to stick to the facts and not color them with emotion? And succeeded!

And then failed.

So, what made me ignore love and go for the sin of detraction? It’s hard to admit, but the source is arrogance: arrogating to myself the authority to judge others’ motives, when I didn’t even know them.

Everything Is a Gift

When I thought about it, I realized that all our talents and accomplishments are gifts, so there’s no reason we should look down on someone who has different gifts or who sees things differently than we do. No matter how much we’re tempted to feel superior, others always have gifts we will never have. If we go around judging each other, we’re not seeing things as God does. And, we’re not looking realistically at ourselves.

There’s a man I used to work with who, when he heard something negative about someone else, acted as if he had not heard it. He’s still a good role model.

The Fix for Pride

The cure for arrogance is humility. A humble person owns all her talents and resources with a healthy confidence but realizes that she didn’t invent them; they’re on loan to be used for the good of herself and others.

How can we escape the habit of arrogance? Well, we need tools for building the opposite virtue, humility. A good way to do so is praying the Litany of Humility by Rafael Merry del Val (1865-1930), who must have had tremendous temptations to arrogance. This guy was royalty; descended from two noble families, he became a bishop at 35 and three years later was a cardinal and the Vatican’s secretary of state. But he didn’t flaunt his crown; he fought arrogance by living an austere life and by praying daily for humility.

His Litany is powerful, because it enables us to pray that we stop fearing humiliation and anonymity. When our fear decreases, we’re more generous to others. Is what we think other people think of us the ultimate test of our worth? No! We can pray to overcome our desperate desire for superiority. If recognition of our greatness is our highest desire, nothing will ever be enough. We will be slaves to other people’s actions.

Healthy Pride

We need to trust that our identity is God’s love for us, which means when we do receive a compliment or award, we take satisfaction for it in God instead of clutching it to ourselves as if we alone achieved it.

A habit of referring all things to God in gratitude frees us from trying to put on a crown that belongs only to the Prince of Peace.

Rose Folsom teaches people leadership skills that business schools don’t. Download Rose’s “Top 10 Tips for Patience.” Virtues like prudence, humility, and courage are the foundation of good leadership and make us confident leaders that people want to follow. Rose’s experience as solopreneur and supervisor and her study of Thomistic theology make her passionate about helping you live a virtuous life that gives you the peace and joy that support your mission and purpose.