The Queen Bee and the Catholic Woman: Supporting and Encouraging Each Other in the Workplace

“A great sign appeared in the sky, a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars” (Revelation 12:1).

“There are two dominant cultural ideas about the role women play in helping other women advance at work, and they are seemingly at odds: the Righteous Woman and the Queen Bee,” wrote sociologist Marianne Cooper in an Atlantic article in 2016. The Righteous Woman, she said, is based on the idea that women are morally obliged to support each other and help each other succeed. In contrast, the Queen Bee is based on the “idea that there is something inherent to the female sex that causes women to undermine each other on the job all the time.” She continued by citing research finding that the latter stereotype is just that — a stereotype without sufficient data to back it up (though, she pointed out, discrimination can sometimes cause Queen Bee behaviors by, for instance, providing fewer opportunities to advance and creating a feeling of scarcity).

I think about this idea a lot. I am blessed to have supportive female co-workers as well as wonderful girlfriends outside of work, but I am also sometimes intimidated and afraid in large groups of women (despite several years of therapy!). I still sometimes experience the fear that, I believe, is all too common among women: “I’m not good enough. The other girls won’t like me. They won’t want to talk to me. No one will want to be my friend.”

I went to a women’s college, and in the decade since I graduated, I’ve happened to work only on all-female teams. As I said, I’ve been blessed in those teams, with managers who promoted my growth and development and with environments where one woman’s success does not imply another woman’s failure. I know, however, that not all women work on such teams and that, as Cooper wrote, “Queen Bee behaviors are triggered in male dominated environments in which women are devalued.”

I believe that Catholicism holds the antidote to most, if not all, of our culture’s problems, and I see this belief play out again and again in the workplace issues I spend my days editing and writing about. The “Queen Bee” question is no exception. Here’s how Catholics can help rid our organizations of this damaging issue once and for all.

Authentic Femininity

Cooper wrote that “identifying highly as a woman” appears to prevent Queen Bee syndrome. She cited one study that found that “policewomen who highly identified as women responded to gender discrimination with an increased desire to create more opportunities for other women” rather than the common “Queen Bee” response.

Fortunately, as Catholic women, we know what it means to be female. We know it means more than what our society often tells us it means, and we know that it is an important part of who we are.

In an article for Catholic Women in Business, co-founder and co-president Emma Moran wrote that when she was outnumbered in her master of business administration (MBA) program and then in her first leadership role at work, “rather than feeling discouraged,” she felt “empowered and motivated,” as well as “a weighty sense of responsibility.” She described four ways Catholic women can live out our authentic femininity in the workplace: by cultivating virtue, by embracing the whole person, by leading with confidence and compassion, and being bold and humble.

Similarly, wrote Emily Wilson Hussem in her book “Go Bravely,” “Authentic femininity is not weak. True femininity has an undeniable strength to it, and as women, our power and strength do not lie in how much skin we show but in our selflessness and nurturing love. Our strength lies in our unique and feminine ability to sense when someone needs love or support.”

Maybe the female police officers in that study Cooper mentioned were more apt to support other women under the pressures of discrimination because they identified more strongly with their gender — and knew what it truly means to be a woman.

Remembering the True Queen

Of course, as Catholics, we know that there is a queen. Mary, the Mother of God, is rightly known as the Queen of Heaven and Earth. As the “Queen Mother,” she intercedes for us with her Son who, as at the wedding at Cana (Jon 2:1-11), grants her petitions with love.

She is the queen, but she is no queen bee. She rules both with humility and with great love. She, like the authentic female leaders Cooper described, is an advocate. In fact, she is the model for femininity, not only outside of the workplace but within it, too. If, as St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein) wrote, “Mary is the prototype of pure womanhood,” then we are called to love like her.

In the workplace, loving like Mary means, in part, being advocates for our fellow women. It means, if we are in a position of power, serving as a mentor and sponsor for more junior women. It means, if we work in human resources or senior management, ensuring that policies like family leave, health care benefits, and paid time off are just. It means, if we are just starting out in our careers or in an organization, understanding that while it may not always seem like there are extra seats at the table, trying to crowd out other women is never the right career move.

“Don’t underestimate the power of women connecting and supporting each other at work,” wrote Anne Welsh McNulty, co-founder and managing partner of JBK Partners and the McNulty Foundation, in a 2018 Harvard Business Review article. “What are women in the workplace to do, when research shows that we’re penalized for trying to lift each other up?  The antidote to being penalized for sponsoring women may just be to do it more — and to do it vocally, loudly, and proudly — until we’re able to change perceptions.”

St. Teresa of Calcutta wrote, “Mary, give me your Heart: so beautiful, so pure, so immaculate; your Heart so full of love and humility that I may be able to receive Jesus in the Bread of Life and love Him as you love Him and serve Him in the distressing guise of the poor.” As Catholic women in business, let’s say this same prayer — and let’s add an additional petition: “Mary, help us to serve Him in the guise of the woman in the next cubicle, too.”

Taryn Oesch is the managing editor of Catholic Women in Business, a contributing writer and assistant editor at FemCatholic.com, and a fertility educator in training. An active volunteer, Taryn is the board secretary and communications chair at The Power of the Dream, a head coach at Miracle League of the Triangle, and a volunteer at Birthchoice of Wake County. You can follow Taryn on Twitter; on Instagram; on Facebook; and on her blog, Everyday Roses.