Leaning Into Transition: Correcting Habits
This article was originally published on June 9, 2020.
“It is not by change of place that we can come nearer to Him who is in every place, but by the cultivation of pure desires and virtuous habits” (St. Augustine).
“Jesus, give me the strength to get through today,” I prayed, for what seemed like the millionth time in my life. I rolled over to shut off my cell phone, which had just woken me up, and almost subconsciously typed “King of My Heart” into my browser. My fingers danced to click on the 17-minute rendition of what had become somewhat of a seasonal anthem. A slow 17 minutes to calm my racing mind, and when the song was up, I snapped out of mopey mood and into my polished self, snagged a cup of coffee, and raced out the door. It was hours before I sat down again and another year before I realized how unhealthy my life was.
I was 21 and constantly running. From my classes to my job to a club meeting to a social activity ... my life never slowed. I lived off the adrenaline rush of late nights and deemed coffee an acceptable substitute for meals. I passed off my frequent health setbacks to genetics and ignored the pounding migraine that became a quick friend to my daily life. I had fallen into the lie that my life was only valuable in the proportion that I was being productive.
To make things more complicated, as I chipped away at my emotional, physical, and spiritual health for the chance to succeed, my lifestyle was praised and awarded. How can you be so productive? You’re so thin and pretty! I wish I had a network like you. I just don’t know how you do it!
The performative, over-productive, work-alcoholic tendency is no stranger to the professional sphere, but thankfully, God was inviting me to reexamine my idols and frame productivity in a different light. I took some time off my normal academics and spent a year reordering my daily habits.
I started with breakfast. My first (and only) goal for the year was to learn how to eat breakfast. While simple, it was also metaphoric: If I could spend even just 10 minutes in the morning feeding my body and setting a balance to my day, then I could learn not to place my worth in my accomplishments. So, I started there and then moved on to tidy up other corners of my life.
When I came back to finish my senior year, after some trial and error, I was able to integrate my slow-balanced life with my hyper-productive one. The best part: I had more energy and more time for fun. It was like I had conquered a beast.
I was wrong. Three weeks into my first full-time job, and I was back at almost every bad habit I’de tried to break. Some complications are out of my control (read: the wake of the coronavirus), but others (like surviving on coffee and doing extra work until early morning) are not.
As I’ve meandered back and forth with my own habits, I’ve started to analyze what I can and can’t change to be the best version of myself.
Addressing the Habits That Hold Us Back
It turns out you can never really get rid of a habit; you simply replace it with a new routine. To do so, it is critical to understand the structure of the habit, including what triggers the habit and how it rewards you.
Our habit-making behaviors are made in the basal ganglia, a part of the brain that also plays a vital role in the development of emotions, memories, and pattern recognition. Though the decision-making part of your brain is not in the basal ganglia, once you are triggered to perform your habit, your behavior becomes automatic, and the decision-making part of your brain rests to conserve energy. This is why on your drive to work, for example, you can park and then realize you don’t remember driving at all.
With a habit you are trying to correct, the best thing to do is to analyze its structure. One model, called the habit loop, has three parts: a cue (which tells your brain to go into autopilot), the routine (the habit itself), and, finally, the reward (what you gain from the behavior).
This language was popularized by Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist and nonfiction author, in his book “The Power of Habit.” Duhigg described how each habit is driven by a different craving, yet what we desire is not always what we’d anticipate.
Understanding the Reward
When you reach for your phone and start scrolling through social media in the middle of a workday, or when you stay up past midnight allowing Netflix to continue to the next episode even when you know you shouldn’t, why do you do it? To understand the “why” behind our behavior, Duhigg suggests slightly changing your habit. For example, when you feel the urge to pick up your phone and scroll, instead, browse the web for a few minutes, or walk around the room. Then, look for patterns by writing down your thoughts after each activity. For instance, after each slight habitual change, write down the first three thoughts that come to your mind. Collecting your thoughts in the moment will provide a semblance of phrases you can string together later.
After changing the reward and writing down your notes, wait 15 minutes to analyze whether or not you are still craving your initial habit. The combined method will help you isolate what you want, which will help you reroute your habit. This way, you can determine whether you are craving Instagram and Facebook, a brief distraction, or perhaps a social interaction.
Identifying the Cue
The second part of replacing a habit is identifying what triggers it. When you feel the urge to lean into your normal behavior, or you find yourself subconsciously lost on autopilot, make note of the location, time, emotional state, people around you, and immediate preceding action.
If, every time you reach for your cell phone during the workday, it is between the hours of two and three, time is the cue. If, like me, you substitute meals with coffee whenever a large deadline is looming, emotional state (stress) is the cue.
Taking the Power Out
Identifying your desire and the trigger for your habits frees you to take power out of the habit. Rather than focusing on self-restraint, you can restructure your environment to remove the temptation.
It is possible to provide an alternative to your habits, but you’ll need a plan. Once you understand more of why you do what you do and when you do it, you can reshape your habit to help you be the best, healthiest, most efficient version of yourself.
Working With Habits in Transition
Transitions are a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they are the perfect time to form a new habit. With a new environment, schedule, and/or faces, your mind is less likely to go into autopilot, because you will be focused on making decisions to make it through your day. With the right structure, transition can be the ideal time to implement that morning journaling, daily exercise, or weekly catch-up with friends that you keep shoving to the backburner.
The other edge — which is what I have been struggling with — is falling into old patterns of behavior precisely because it’s difficult for to spend energy implementing new habits when you are already overwhelmed with filling your house with furniture, pleasing your new boss, and getting along with your new roommates. In this situation, I’ve found its best to go back to the “why” and “when” for my habits and slowly implement intentional pattern changes when I notice I am back to doing what is comfortable.
Weaving Prayer Into the Restructuring
Habits, like many things in life, will not change overnight. If anything, my journey battling over my own self has made me realize time and time again that I need a Savior.
Invite God into each step of the process. He wants your healing, He wants your health, He wants your happiness, and He most definitely celebrates your achievements. Allowing God to point to your desires when you feel weak will not only aid the process but will also provide comfort that you aren’t doing it alone. That way, if and when habits creep back in, you can proactively plan against discouragement.
Marissa Vonesh is a recent graduate from the University of Miami. She currently works as the lead graphic designer for Moment magazine in Washington, D.C. A native to Northern Arizona and adventure junkie, she is no stranger to hiking, spontaneous road trips, and midnight adoration sessions. Visit her work at marissavonesh.com, or connect with her on Instagram.