The Kiss: What to Cling to When Everything Feels as if It’s Falling Apart
“Walking on Water,” by Ivan Ayvazovsky (public domain)
It was a busy, crisp September evening, a typical night in my very blessed, very ordinary, seemingly idyllic life. I came home from work, quickly made dinner, enjoyed a meal with my family, and then escaped to clean the dishes and throw a load of laundry into the washing machine as I folded yesterday’s load. I have often found comfort in the ordinary and the mundane, and I was in my groove.
My youngest daughter, then 14, emerged in the doorway, approached me, and gave me a warm hug. “I’m going to bed early tonight, Mommy,” she announced. Visibly saddened by the news, because I, like many, many working moms, cherish every moment with my children, I replied, “Are you sure, baby?”
“Yes, I’m tired.” She kissed me and said, “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too, sweet baby,” I responded.
Some kisses are holy kisses, mixed with a touch of betrayal. A holy kiss expresses the affection of God’s love that has been poured into our hearts. A holy kiss is a warm way of greeting one another with chaste affection for the family of Christ. Yet, a kiss of betrayal—the type that causes intense human pain—is much like Jesus’ kiss from Judas (Luke 22:47).
The following morning, I awoke, prepared myself for the day ahead, and reminded my husband that our daughter had not yet gotten out of bed to get ready for school. Checking on her, we found her bed empty, and our loving home was filled with an eerie silence. I remember letting out a screaming moan, the kind that comes with great loss and emptiness.
That night was the last time I saw my daughter. Not knowing whether she was dead or alive for the two years that followed, my days were filled with extreme turmoil as I did my best to soldier on, desperate to find my child.
It took me nearly 18 months to turn my despair into anger and then, finally, to God. The best part of me left with that kiss, along with my light and my courage to face each new day with any sense of confidence. That day also nearly took my marriage, my family, my business, and my faith. But, it didn’t.
Those days consisted of walking through the hours at work, followed by evenings filled with wine and tears. Sleepless nights typically ended with waking up in a fear-based sweat. I was crippled with one unanswered question, which King David asked as well:
“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my cry for help, from my cries of anguish? My God, I call you by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I have no relief” (Psalm 22:2-3).
Then, one restless night turned into a conversation with Jesus, as I heard him ask me to get up. I knew he wanted a prayer unlike any other: He wanted an unfiltered conversation. That command to rise, and my “yes” in response, changed everything.
When reading Luke’s passage about the kiss of betrayal, I think it’s essential to not only know but to hold tight to the end of the story. Jesus knew the end when he spoke to the Apostles at the Last Supper, right after Judas left to betray him.
Jesus knew. I did not.
Because Jesus knew the end of the story, he was able to see Judas’ betrayal as the means to his glorification, not his defeat.
Jesus could see it. I could not.
Jesus turned his eyes toward heaven and all that he would accomplish through his suffering rather than looking at the immediate pain he would endure.
Jesus could embrace it. I could not.
Through intense pain, there are powerful lessons for us all as we struggle to accept our sufferings as Jesus did:
1. We Can’t Do Life Alone
Sometimes, things and people are taken from us for reasons we can't understand. Somehow, Jesus will make it right, finding the good to use in each devastation. We have to trust the process (and yes, that's very, very hard to do).
This trust will help us to see that although we cannot understand it at the time, throughout it all, there is love. We are never alone, and even in our very darkest hours (and there were many for me) we are being lifted up.
To say that “with Jesus, everything will be fine” is flawed thinking. “Fine” as we knew it may never present itself again, but Jesus, as our best friend, does show up every day.
2. You Can Do Hard Things
These are times that you must rise. There are things you are meant to do in this world. Rise so that you can do them. Rise so that you can become the person you were meant to be, not the person you thought you were supposed to be. Rise so that God can use you for his purpose.
Know that even in times of despair, panic, or difficulty, we are strengthened and stretched, we grow, and we are given an opportunity to show others who are hurting how we can unite our suffering with Christ’s. Once we heal, we can use our strength to help others do the same.
This is, I think, what furthering the kingdom of heaven means here on earth. It is in those moments that you will find answers, some peace, and a love affair with Jesus that you’ve never known before.
3. Learn
In business and in life, pain and suffering will continue to come at us, sometimes quickly. St. Teresa of Kolkata once said that pain and suffering are “but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close to him on the cross that he can kiss you.” We must also strive to see the potential that our own sufferings have as a way of purifying us.
We are all disciples of Christ, but it is so easy to forget that. Pain brings us closer to Christ. It helps us to be better, stronger, more fortified followers. It forces us to reflect on how we react when others’ sins spill over on us.
4. Forgive
In the most difficult moments in our lives, another human being is typically involved, and we are often left with despair over being mistreated in some way. Still, it’s in these moments that we are given the opportunity to forgive. In dire and desperate times, forgiveness helps us bring the light of God’s mercy into any circumstance.
It’s true that a life of forgiveness and mercy is very difficult, but it's the life that we are called to live. The good news is that when we do forgive, we relearn the power that only this type of love can bring to heal the world through our family, our business, and our community.
There is a shortage of this type of love in the world, and pain presents us with an opportunity to rise up and deliver it to our team, our family, and our neighbors in new and powerful ways. We learn to bring a piece of heaven to this life every day and to remember just how valuable what remains really is, even when it feels as if everything is being stripped away.
Since founding RMD Advertising in 1992, Sue Reninger has been responsible for the complete strategy and direction of RMD’s Columbus-based flagship office. She has also co-founded Wagons Ho Ho Ho, a 501c3 charity that serves children in dire need with HOPE. Sue has been honored with the prestigious NAWBO Visionary Award and Marketer of the Year from the American Marketing Association.