A Culture That Cares for the Caregivers
“And what shall we say of the obstacles which in so many parts of the world still keep women from being fully integrated into social, political and economic life? We need only think of how the gift of motherhood is often penalized rather than rewarded, even though humanity owes its very survival to this gift. Certainly, much remains to be done to prevent discrimination against those who have chosen to be wives and mothers” (Pope St. John Paul II).
When my first daughter was born, my husband was able to take six weeks of paid paternity leave. It was such a gift to be able to adjust to being parents together, especially as I dealt with some unexpected challenges in those early days.
He took his second paternity leave this fall after I had our second daughter. This time, he was able to take eight weeks—all paid. This time meant that he could take our older daughter to her activities, minimizing the baby’s exposure to small children in the early days of her immune system and giving me some extra time to rest in quiet as I began to recover from pregnancy and childbirth. It meant both of us could help our older daughter start to adjust to being one of two children instead of an only child. And it meant I had some time to practice solo parenting two children while he was still available.
When he returned to work, he just went upstairs—because he works from home most days. This proximity gave me so much comfort and relieved anxiety as I transitioned into this new phase in motherhood.
Employers Make a Difference
The leadership team at companies like my husband’s employer knows that they won’t be able to hold onto their best employees if they don’t treat them like human beings. My husband works hard, and sometimes he has to work outside of the usual 8-5 to finish something important. But his family can come first. (And sometimes, when my own work calls me away, he’s able to prioritize that work as well!)
While more families have benefitted from these types of caregiver-friendly policies since the pandemic, most in the United States still do not have access to policies like paid parental leave, the ability to take time off for caregiving, or the ability to work remotely to be able to spend more time with loved ones.
I believe that the state of the workplace reflects the way our culture and economy regard caregiving. And unfortunately, I see too many comments like the post I recently saw on LinkedIn with a photo of a crowded parking lot. A CEO of a software company (an industry where remote and flexible work is so feasible!) bragged about bringing his team back to the office. He included no explanation of why he did so or what policies he has in place to support the caregivers he was taking from home.
“Unexpected Magic”
There is an endless supply of discourse on why caregiving is difficult and even why it should be avoided. A new book adds a fresh and vital perspective: why it is important not just for those being cared for but also for the caregiver and for our culture.
Elissa Strauss is a journalist who struggled after becoming a mother with her identity and what motherhood meant to her feminism. Her book, When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others, shares her experience along with research and the stories of other people to explore how caregiving changes the caregiver for the better.
I believe this book is important and recommend it to everyone who cares about the future of the workplace and the family—which should be just about everyone. Strauss makes a compelling case for the immense benefits of caregiving and for making changes in our culture to better support caregivers and the people they care for. However, I don’t agree with everything in the book; Strauss mentions her support of abortion, and she also discusses Christianity and the Catholic Church in particular with some critical misunderstandings.
For instance, she quotes from Pope St. John Paul II’s Letter to Women but says that the Church “wasn’t suggesting that … care makes the women doing it men’s equal, nor was there much effort to discover the complexities and challenges of this type of spirituality.” The reverse, however, is true: Christianity has always proclaimed the equality of the sexes—and was revolutionary in doing so. There has also been “much effort to discover the complexities and challenges of this type of spirituality” by such people as Edith Stein (St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross).
Strauss then argues that “Protestants have more of a tradition of reaching for great heights within the ordinary”—yet Catholics also have this rich tradition, dating back from Jesus’ hidden years and continuing to this day with seemingly ordinary saints like Thérèse of Lisieux and her parents, Louis and Zélie, and countless others. She interviews just one Catholic in her book, but that Catholic appears to have a lack of understanding of the Church’s great respect for motherhood.
Finally, Strauss describes the scene in Scripture where Jesus tells St. Martha that her sister, St. Mary of Bethany, has chosen the better path by sitting at His feet rather than doing the domestic tasks that Martha is doing. Strauss claims that Jesus is disrespecting Martha’s domestic work—but Jesus’ point isn’t that domestic work isn’t important but that listening to God is. (And He was bucking tradition by inviting a woman to do so!) Strauss is Jewish, not Christian; without the belief that Jesus is God, it makes sense that she would read the story in this way. Still, she neglects to include the Christian interpretation.
Overall, I recommend this book, with the caveat that anyone wanting to know what the Church actually teaches about women should look to other resources, as When You Care repeats many of the same stereotypes we frequently hear about the Church rather than sharing the rich teachings she offers on femininity, motherhood, and gender equality.
Strauss and I might disagree on some fundamental issues, but there is so much common ground in her book. It gives me hope that, even after such a strained political season, people on both sides of the aisle (and people who find themselves on neither side of the aisle) will be able to come together and find solutions, outside and inside the political realm, to better support families.
Taryn DeLong is co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business. Her first book, Holy Ambition: Thriving as a Catholic Woman at Work and at Home, written with her co-president Elise Crawford Gallagher, is out now from Ave Maria Press. She lives with her husband and daughters outside Raleigh, North Carolina.
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