The Hidden Life: A Season of Staying Home
“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family” (St. Teresa of Calcutta).
When I had my first baby this past spring, I became a full-time stay-at-home mom. This season has been a desired and precious time with my daughter that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Still, I’ve also found myself struggling with my new identity during this career pause.
As someone who has always struggled with rooting my identity in my work, I quickly found myself struggling with the “What do you do?” questions and falling into a vicious cycle of comparison and envy.
I’ve had to reorient my perspective and see the privilege and beauty in being a wife and mother while also finding new passions and hobbies as I dwell in a hidden life.
The Hidden Life
A substantial part of Jesus’ childhood and young adult years are not highlighted in the Gospels. This time is often referred to as “the hidden life,” as we don’t know a lot about what Jesus was doing then.
All of us in a career pause, whether due to caregiving or another reason, would benefit from meditating on Jesus’ hidden life. Specifically, we can identify with Mary at this time, as she cared for Jesus, Joseph, and maybe even other family members and friends.
What might Mary’s days have looked like as she raised Jesus? Surely there were clothes to wash and fold, mouths to feed, and errands to run. Did she ever find this work challenging and tiring? How did she incorporate prayer in her routine? Who else might she have cared for? What hobbies might she have enjoyed? How could her daily work have been pleasing to God?
It can be so easy to compare our life, specifically in the mundane moments, to previous colleagues’, peers’, and influencers’ lives we see on a screen. However, as Emily Wilson writes, there is an “unseen holiness” in our daily work. Although it may not consist of breaking glass ceilings or ministering abroad, this work is fruitful and necessary. Caring for our loved ones not only benefits them but also teaches us necessary soft skills, like compassion, patience, and leadership, while softening our hearts as beloved daughters of God.
Ways to Grow Professionally in this Season
While a career pause can feel detrimental to your career goals, it can actually be a fulfilling time and an opportunity to achieve new dreams and explore opportunities. You not only are learning crucial skills you can bring to future employment opportunities, but you are growing in ways you may not have been able to in the workforce.
Consider using nap time, early mornings, or late nights as chances to work on hobbies that you love or finding new ones. Do you have a side hustle you’d love to start or explore? Use this time away from the office to research, brainstorm, or even launch your business.
Look into volunteer opportunities within your parish or surrounding organizations with causes you’re passionate about. During my career pause, I’ve been able to stay engaged with a board and assist with writing communication pieces. Moms and caretakers provide unique perspectives to the nonprofit sector and can also provide priceless benefits to the Church.
Using LinkedIn or other social media platforms to stay plugged into the work environment in your community can also be beneficial during your career pause. Provide input on current events, or share updates regarding your passion projects and hobbies. Be sure to instill boundaries if you fall into the trap of comparison and envy on social media.
Remember Your Identity
It is so easy to get wrapped up in our work, and our identity quickly becomes tied to our title, salary, and accolades. I urge you to remember that your true identity is rooted in God as His beloved daughter. Whether this career pause is short term or more permanent, your identity is not rooted in the income you earn or the goals you achieve.
You are called to be a saint, and you have been blessed in this particular season to live out your vocation in a special, holy way through surrender. Surrendering your career aspirations to care for your family is honorable and a blessing, even in the challenging, mundane, or emotional moments. God is pleased at the difference you are making.
Marisa McDonald lives in Central Indiana with her husband and energetic German Shepherd pup. She is the Community Manager for a local nonprofit which connects women in the community with professional mentorship opportunities. She aspires to start her own social enterprise or non-profit some day. On weekends, you can find her hiking with her husband and dog throughout Southern Indiana, making meals and hosting family and friends, or heading to the local coffee shop for a latte. Connect with Marisa through Instagram, LinkedIn, or Facebook.