What Lies Are Professional Women Told?
“No one other than God is capable of receiving [one] completely for Himself, and it is sinful theft toward God to give oneself completely to one other than Him” (St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, aka Edith Stein).
My first boss in college ran a public relations (PR) consultancy from her home office. She paid well, but her tirades and exactitudes led me to quit six months later. By contrast, my second boss was an accomplished writer and exemplary, intelligent man who gave me every opportunity to learn, grow, and achieve. During a long hiatus into theological education and then motherhood, I cycled into—and out of—the workforce multiple times. I discovered that regardless of gender, some managers are great, and others are awful.
Count me old. Count me jaded. Count me a cranky Catholic matron. But, this fact made me the perfect reviewer for Bonnie Hammer’s 15 Lies Women are Told at Work…and the Truth We Need to Succeed.
Bonnie Hammer is the vice chair of NBCUniversal and a cable TV executive who has generated billions of dollars in profit. Hammer takes 15 tired old adages and flips them over to examine their unintended consequences … and then presents more helpful advice. This book is the perfect graduation gift for any young women in your life starting out in the workplace, particularly those who are not “into” your religion.
For example, Hammer rejects the advice to “have friends in high places” and replaces it with, “Find truth tellers in all locations.” Her advice to focus on people who will give you the straight scoop and build your skills is spot-on. My second boss was ruthless with his red pen. I walked out of that position as a competent writer. My favorite sidebar in the book was in this chapter. It contrasted toxicity with tough love. (You go, Bonnie!)
The best part of Hammer’s book is the many personal stories she tells of her and her colleagues’ mistakes and challenges and their resolution. She also includes the results of business and psychological research among these anecdotes. The stories reveal her to be humble, funny, and deeply personal. I laughed out loud more than a few times—and cheered when she exhorted modesty, chutzpah, and careful communication.
Choices … and Children
Chapter 5 presents the lie, “You can have it all” and replaces it with, “You will have choices.” As the mother of eight amazing young adults, I tend to bristle at the word choice. But, she is right that those choices do affect the kinds of opportunities one can pursue. And perhaps she and I are unhelpful examples, as we are polar opposites—or so it might appear.
Hammer spent her 30s building her career and income and birthed one child at 43. Her husband was the lead caregiver. I spent my 30s and 40s juggling kids, credit cards, and chaos. (My husband worked full-time and pulled his weight on the second shift of laundry, diapers, and dishes.) What’s notable to me is that Hammer still felt guilt over what she missed while she was at work. Meanwhile, I experienced yearnings for more intellectual pursuits.
Our choices bear fruit, both for our families and for the larger society. Hammer appears to have mothered a lot of her colleagues, who are quick to point to her as a mentor. And I like the person I had to become in order to mother my brood. I think Hammer would say the same thing about how caring for others created positive space in her own soul. Love, and sacrifices, build community.
Too Many Exhortations
About two-thirds of the way in, after multiple acrostics and long-winded exhortations to be my best self, I found myself skimming—even impatient. Hammer’s brand of hard work, self-restraint, and relationship management at work just didn’t seem sustainable. The many good career exhortations that she presents can be boiled down to the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you) and to a little Shakespeare (“To thine own self be true”). And, working hard. Working very, very hard. Even late into the night.
Jesus boiled the Mosaic laws and wisdom of the prophets into two great commandments: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind […] you shall love and your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).
That simplicity helps me judge my family responsibilities as well as my business endeavors, and the teachings of the Church help clarify my challenges so I can make priority judgments based on more than my personal preferences.
I am likely not the average reader of this book, and I do recommend it, especially to young women just starting out in the workplace. But there can be no substitute for discerning, in prayer, what God’s will might be for my talents and energy. It’s a lot easier to invest in my happiness by following God’s will rather than my own.
Kristen West McGuire has worked as a research associate, an autism services aide, an executive director for a non-profit, an event planner, and even a chaplain at a mental institution! Today, she is afundraising consultant and runsMy Secret is Mine, a small Catholic press. Yes, it’s a little disjointed. But amid all the work, she and her husband raised eight wonderful children. To God be the glory!