Military Life Teaches Reliance on God
Editor’s Note: Today is Veterans’ Day. Catholic Women in Business extends our gratitude to all who have served our country in the armed forces, and their families. Thank you!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O Ruler of all. - Be Thou My Vision, Hymn
Picture this with me: More than a decade ago, I’m sitting at a crowded bar, and this guy who I’ve just met (who, by the way, has whiskers and a nose drawn on his face), is chattering away, sloshing his beer about clumsily. But instead of talking about himself, he spends most of our time together pointing around the bar, and telling me stories about each of his buddies and listing all the quirky characteristics that endear each one of them to him.
That fox-faced boy eventually became my husband, and the values of friendship, generosity, and loyalty that were on clear display that first night are still central to the man he is today. Soon into our dating relationship, I became aware of his desire to exercise that loyalty in service of our country. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t envision him in that role. I was afraid of what it might mean for our relationship – and for me. I wasn’t unsupportive, necessarily, but I was skeptical.
Every few months — for years — he’d mention his *disruptive* dream, and every few months — for years — we’d have a little tussle about it. Eventually, early in our marriage, I’d had enough. “I don’t want to hear another word about this unless you’re actually going to do something about it!” I exclaimed.
Well, I got what I asked for. When I was about six months pregnant with our oldest child, we signed paperwork for Hubby to enter Officer Candidate School. We said our first goodbyes when Baby B was six weeks old.
I remember talking with our friends, David and Nancy French, for guidance and to help ease my fears as we contemplated this big decision. Nancy said something along the lines of: “The military didn’t change David, but it did make him more David.”
"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire" - St. Catherine of Siena
Military service has indeed revealed characteristics and honed skills (many that I will likely never be aware of) that make my husband more fully himself. I’m certain that’s true for me and our little boys, too.
***
Though I’ve grown to respect the ideals of military service and those who give of themselves each day, it has certainly not been an easy path. Military life comes with unique challenges. Perhaps most palpable is the baseline uncertainty and unpredictability that underlies just about every aspect of our lives. And then, of course, there are the endless acronyms.
As a spouse, mother, and a woman with an entrepreneurial spirit and lots of dreams of my own, keeping a positive outlook (and maintaining my mental and spiritual sanity!) can be a real feat. I’ve found it helpful to regularly check in with myself, using a few themes to reset my heart and get back on track. If you’re in an unpredictable season too, consider these ideas to help orient your heart and mind to a place of peace.
1. Strong, but Supple
“I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26).
Perhaps one of the tendencies I have to fight against most often is the temptation to do it all. And, specifically, to do it all on my own. Because my husband’s schedule involves a lot of impromptu meetings and extended travel, having routines and systems to keep things running are necessary. But sometimes I believe the lie that all those systems rely on me…and without me, everything would fall apart. That’s a lot of responsibility to carry.
Self-reliance can be a devastating trap, one that muddles our motives and distorts our efforts.
In family life, self-reliance often rears its head as grasping for control, feelings of anger, resentment, and self-pity, and a refusal to communicate openly and honestly. In business, it looks like excessive busyness, insistence on meeting lofty (self-inflicted) expectations and inflexible deadlines, and more often than not, a failure to actually make progress toward goals (i.e. we do a lot of ‘wheel spinning’).
What helps: Asking for and receiving help from others, growing in community, fostering a sense of family teamwork, and praying for softness of heart.
A heart hardened cannot easily receive, and it cannot give very much either, so I find myself almost constantly asking the Lord to soften my heart, and to live from that softness.
2. Open to Adventure
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me, delivered me from all my fears. Look to him and be radiant, and your faces may not blush for shame.” (Psalms 34:5-6).
In his marriage proposal, Hubby promised that he’d “show me the world.” He hasn’t forgotten that promise, but sometimes, I do.
For many military families, frequent moves are the norm, and “readiness” is both a buzzword and a virtue. We’ve got to be financially, physically and emotionally ready for whatever might happen. But beyond prudent preparation, there’s a temptation to try to predict — and control — the future. Logistics-brain can take over, snuffing out the opportunity for fun, play, and joy.
What helps: Slowing down, gratitude, intentional leisure, doing the next right thing
When I get caught up in trying to solve future problems, it helps to remember that life – and everything in it – is a gift. Every good in ourselves and in family life, and every success in business comes from the Lord. He always provides, often in surprising ways. Taking a walk outside, making art with my kids, or just taking a nap helps me reawaken to the reality that the present moment is the greatest adventure, and that the Lord is waiting for me there.
3. Rooted in Hope
“Hope itself is victorious.” -Jill Simons
In a season of particular responsibility, one where my role is to care for my family and support my spouse’s “Marine Corps Hobby,” I sometimes fall prey to the lie that my own dreams don’t matter and will never be realized. Will my entrepreneurial ambitions always be on the back burner?
What helps: Counting my blessings, practicing creative thinking, asking for right-sized/right-seasoned opportunities
In a recent talk, my friend Jill Simons, founder of Many Parts Ministries, urged us to “radically embrace hope,” because “hope itself is victorious.” There’s room for joy and flourishing in every season, even in a season of waiting.
Just because life or business doesn’t look the way I’d desired or imagined, doesn’t mean that God isn’t going to honor the inklings of creative flourishing. More than likely, He’s already (right now!) making a way for me to use my gifts to serve him and others in a way that satisfies just as much (or more!) than my earthly desires.
Always Faithful
Who could have imagined the potential for leadership and sacrifice in that fox-faced boy? Only God, I suppose.
Who could have imagined the potential for courage and connection in that skeptical girl? Thankfully, God saw that, too.
The Marine Corps’ motto is Semper Fidelis, meaning always faithful. With all its quirks, flaws, and massive inconveniences, the Marine Corps is an organization that has somehow helped me to see and experience the love of God active and alive in my life.
God is persistently creative and unceasingly generative. He transforms the dead places – the places of fear, discouragement, and doubt – and breathes life into them. He can redeem anything, even our hardened hearts, even the Marine Corps!
In seasons of uncertainty, and in the ups and downs of military life, may we see with – and trust in – the providential vision of God, who is indeed ruler of all.
Oorah and amen.
Tara is an artist, Marine wife, and happy Catholic. By day, Tara creates content for Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit force behind the beloved children’s show “Sesame Street.” She is the owner of Tara Wright Studio, where she specializes in custom art and illustration, and is co-founder of Scatter and Sow. After spending several years on the east coast, Tara and her family now call Oklahoma home.