How to Build Your Village as a Busy Mom
“How good and how pleasant it is, when brothers dwell together as one!” (Psalm 133:1).
When my husband and I bought our first home in a new area, our older daughter had just turned one, and I was yearning for mom friends.
I had quit my job when she was born, and other than my sister, I didn’t have any friends nearby who were home during the day. I married and became a mother during the COVID pandemic, which was not exactly conducive to meeting new people. Neither was my first-time-mom rigid adherence to our nap schedule which was constantly shifting.
So, when we finally put down roots, I immediately set to work building that much-touted village of moms. I posted in the local Catholic mom Facebook group to see if any fellow stay-at-home moms wanted to do a weekly “Bible study playgroup”—a “BYOB,” or “bring your own baby,” Bible study.
The BYOB Bible study group has been a success and we’ve been meeting for nearly two years. Our group has had six new babies since its inception; in addition to surgeries, many potty training discussions, and countless prayer requests. It’s become more of a playgroup than a Bible study with children ranging in age from one month to almost five years, disrupting any potential serious conversation about Scripture. Still, we have fruitful conversations about everything from diaper brands to natural family planning while our children play and learn how to be friends.
This group has evolved into a community as we support each other by cooking meals for meal trains and praying for each other. When I stopped attending after the birth of my second daughter, one of the other moms reached out to give some tough love about how important it is to maintain connection with the group. It’s good not only for my daughters, but also for myself as a mother - a much needed reminder in my postpartum days.
An Authentic Look at the Village
Consistency is one of the five Cs of successful villages that Melissa Wirt, founder of Latched Mama, writes about in her new book, I Was Told There’d Be a Village: Transforming Motherhood Through the Power of Connection. “Maintaining a village takes ongoing upkeep to help it thrive,” she says. The other Cs are cooperativity, connectedness, compassion, and concentricity.
I Was Told There’d Be a Village is one of the most honest books about motherhood I’ve ever encountered. Wirt does not hold back on revealing her own mistakes and shortcomings. She shares stories from other moms who found out—often the hard way—that they needed to have ties (both loose and close) with other moms in order to cultivate feelings of happiness and success in their current life situation (or vocation).
Wirt’s book is not written for any specific group of mothers - whether working or stay-at-home; it’s for any and all types of moms. The author and business-owner runs a small farm with her husband in addition to being a mother of six children herself, all of whom are homeschooled with the help of a tutor. She insists on what Catholic comedian, author, and podcaster Jennifer Fulwiler calls “the village hustle:” knowing that you can’t do everything on your own and that you shouldn’t try. It’s also knowing that your relationships with your husband and your children are not the only important relationships you should be cultivating (though of course they should top the list).
Partnerships With Other Moms
In our own book, Holy Ambition: Thriving as a Catholic Woman at Work and at Home, my Catholic Women in Business co-president, Elise Crawford Gallagher, and I share the three Ps that we’ve found to be key to juggling faith, family, and work: prayer, partnerships, and prioritization.
Of course, if you’re married and Catholic, your primary relationships (or partnerships, as we call them because I love some good alliteration) are with God and your husband. But relationships with co-workers and friends are also critical to having a well-rounded life and a village of support and love. Just like Wirt emphasizes the need for relationships with other mothers, we encourage all women to have strong partnerships with other women and mothers.
In addition to lots of stories (some hilarious, some poignant - all told in a way to help you feel that you’re not alone), Wirt shares practical advice for finding and nurturing your village. As with most books written in a secular context, the usual caveat applies: Not all of the values of Wirt or the women she writes about are aligned with the Catholic faith. However, any Catholic mom will find a treasure trove of encouragement in making (and keeping!) friends as a mom.
Immediately after creating man, God tells us that it’s not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It’s also not good for moms to live in isolation during the difficult years of child-rearing. If you are lonely or have found yourself in need of help without any friends to call, pick up a copy of I Was Told There’d Be a Village. Then, take the next step: Get out there and say “hi!”