Moving Beyond the “I’m Just a” Mindset
“God has determined ... that I should reach that which will be my greatest happiness. He looks on me individually, He calls me by name, He knows what I can do, what I best be, what is my greatest happiness, and He means to give it to me” (St. John Henry Newman).
We’ve all been there: feeling like we are one mistake away from someone finding out that we are playing pretend at work and that we aren’t as capable as everyone thinks we are. If you have an “I’m just a ___________” mindset, this fear is a real and insidious one. It keeps us from seeking growth opportunities, stepping into a new leadership role, or offering our creativity to our company. Buying into the “I’m just a“ mindset is dangerous, and it is steeped in a lie from the enemy who wants to keep us from fully embracing who God created us to be.
St. John Henry Newman wrote, “God has determined … that I should reach that which will be my greatest happiness. He looks on me individually, He calls me by name, He knows what I can do, what I best be, what is my greatest happiness, and He means to give it to me.” As hopeful and life-giving as this reminder is, so many of us won’t accept this truth. If we did, that “I’m just a” mindset would be replaced with “I am” statements that we shout from the rooftop.
What is this “I’m just a” mindset, and how can we not only move beyond it but thrive in the acceptance of who we are as women of faith, created by a God who loves us unconditionally?
Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck
The “I’m just a” mindset is rooted in three beliefs: a belief that we are unworthy and lack any giftedness, a belief that living in fear is easier than pushing through it, and a belief that growth is not possible for us.
The first belief is one of false pride. In short, we believe that because we are not particularly gifted, we are “just a______” and, therefore, not enough. You can fill in the blank with any role: just a mom, just an administrative assistant, just a graphic designer, just a wife, just a small business owner. We begin with an affirming “I am” statement and then negate it with the limit-setting word “just.” This word creates an arbitrary judgment of all that comes after it—as if there is something not good enough in being a mom, an administrative assistant, or a graphic designer.
The outcome of this type of false pride is twofold: First, we deny who we are and whose we are when we assign our worth only in terms of a particular role. Second, any role we take on in the world has an inherent set of gifts and talents that we need in order to be successful. It’s when we equate our worthiness only in terms of that role—and not how God has equipped us to fulfill it—that we begin to believe the lie that we aren’t enough.
The next issue that we must confront is that the “I’m just a” mindset stems from a place of fear—and fear is not of God. There are two ways we are fearful: Either we fear failure, which is a lack of trust, or we fear success, which is false pride. Fear leads us to all sorts of dark places if we let it: anxiety, depression, torpor, hopelessness, despair. The list is endless. Understanding that God desires us to be successful and that He has gifted each of us uniquely to complete the work He has for us is the only way through these fears.
Finally, this mindset keeps us stuck. It creates a sense of finiteness, as if we look around and say, “Well then, I guess this is all I’m capable of.” Many moms who have been away from the workforce for a long time experience this finiteness in their thinking. It keeps them from seeing all the ways they are gifted—what they, with their wisdom and life experience, can bring to the world.
4 Steps to Embrace Your Giftedness
Given the stumbling blocks of false pride, fear, and finiteness, moving beyond the “I’m just a” mindset seems impossible. It takes work to let go of lies you’ve probably believed your whole life. It will require courage and conviction to take those first few steps. Notice I didn’t say big or bold steps; on the contrary, to begin, you must take a few small steps first and see where they lead:
1. Identify Your “I’m Just a” Statements
What are the limit-setting phrases you use to describe yourself? The one I’m working on is “I’m just a speaker.” This phrase reduces my work, which I am co-creating with God, to merely a role I play, like an actor on a stage playing make-believe.
2. Claim the Truth in the Statement
There is truth in your “I’m just a” statement. The truth is, I am a speaker. Without qualifying it any further, it is a true statement—one that I must embrace if I am to do what God has called me to do.
3. Find the Lie
The lie for me in “I’m just a speaker” is that the word “just” limits the value of being a speaker. I don’t believe for one second that what I do has no value; I believe quite the opposite. My words when I use the phrase “I’m just a speaker,” however, tell a different narrative.
4. Ask Yourself Which Part of the Truth You Are Struggling With Most
Some mornings, when I sit at my desk to begin my day, I find myself shaking my head at what God has called me to do. If I let myself buy into the lies, I feel ill-equipped to do this work. Imposter syndrome rules the day, and I find no joy in the work. Acknowledging that fact is a healthy act of surrender, one that sometimes I must make several times a day. I do it because in my experience, God gives us exactly who and what we need to be successful.
It is really hard work, this whole “Be who God created you to be” business. But understanding that each of us is unique and unrepeatable, that each of us is a specific answer to an ache in this world, goes a long way to help us combat the “I’m just a” mindset. Stay rooted in the hope of the Gospel, and embrace the promise Jeremiah speaks of in 29:11. We must step into our true giftedness and accomplish all that He has put on our heart to do.
Laura is a cradle Catholic. She and her husband of 31+ years have three children, recently adding an amazing son-in-law and beautiful daughter-in-law to their ever-growing family. A former Catholic educator, she co-founded Encounter Grace, a Catholic Christian women’s ministry that offers online and in-person events for women who want to grow in their faith, making deep, abiding connections, journeying together to sainthood! In addition to running Encounter Grace, Laura is a speaker and writer, retreat leader, strategist, and mentor. Topics that are near and dear to her heart center around living an authentic life in the faith, cultivating a prayer life, and encouraging women and men to tell their stories about their lives in the faith—both the beautiful and the messy parts!