Working With Difficult People
“A slave of the Lord should not quarrel, but should be gentle with everyone, able to teach, tolerant, correcting opponents with kindness. It may be that God will grant them repentance that leads to knowledge of the truth, and that they may return to their senses out of the devil’s snare, where they are entrapped by him, for his will” (2 Timothy 2:24-26).
Whether a one-woman business dealing with clients or an employee at a global corporation, everyone interacts with people somehow—and sometimes, those people can be difficult. Amy Gallo’s new book Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) offers a way to navigate and repair those more challenging relationships.
What’s Your Role?
The beginning of the book highlights your role in difficult interactions and helps to untangle the problem. It can be helpful to read through Gallo’s poking and prodding: How are you sleeping? Is every interaction that bad, or do you have a negativity bias based on, say, a bad first impression? Looking at it that way and doing a little journaling throughout the beginning might help already turn things around.
However, if you’re reading an article on how to deal with difficult people, there may be an underlying problem in regard to how you’re being treated or how your work is being impacted by the difficult person or people in question. That’s where the rest of the book comes in handy.
Responding to Different Archetypes
The best part of this book is how it’s divided. If you have a specific challenging behavior, it’s easy to flip to the section on that persona and the actionable steps to counteract it (while preserving your peace).
The archetypes are:
The Insecure Boss
The Pessimist
The Victim
The Passive-Aggressive Peer
The Know-It-All
The Tormenter
The Biased Coworker
The Political Operator
If you’re not sure whom you’re dealing with, you can flip to the Appendix for a helpful chart from the author.
My only criticism of the book is that it’s a bit long, but it’s easy to focus on the beginning in part one (“Laying the Groundwork for Getting Along”), flip to the archetype you need help with in part two (“The Archetypes”), and then end with part three (“Protecting Yourself”). There are bullet points with helpful tips throughout the book, as well as recaps at the end of each chapter, making the information easy to absorb before taking action. Get ready to break out your highlighter, because there’s lots of “Aha!” moments!
The book can help you identify the pros and cons of drastic measures like quitting your job as well as small things you can do in the moment, like mitigating the flight or fight response you experience when faced with a threatening situation. There are a variety of approaches, so if one doesn’t work, you have several other tactics and strategies to try. Another helpful element of Getting Along is its specificity. Gallo doesn’t gloss over uncomfortable topics but delves into ways to combat things like mansplaining and racism.
The Bottom Line
I would recommend Getting Along to anyone dealing with a difficult person or working in a toxic workplace or an industry where people or clients tend to be more difficult, like nursing or human resources. The book would even be good for navigating relationships outside of work, like in a volunteer setting (but familial relationships would require another text).
Collaboration is a huge part of my day-to-day work as an internal communications specialist. I work with people at every level, from executive leaders to individual contributors across departments. I started reading this book as I began a new job last year and read it cover to cover. It was handy to have in my back pocket.
One thing I’ve learned is that some people don’t mean to be difficult but are coming from a different vantage point. They may be protective of their work or have been burned in the past, and it’s necessary to come at things from a point of curiosity and repair in order to move forward.
We’re all sinners, coming to work with our own wounds. I’m reminded of this reality nightly when I pray with my toddler for everyone’s “boo-boos.” As we go through our own little litany, praying for each person we know and their boo-boos, I’m reminded of all the things we carry, seen and unseen. The hard part is to look past our slights and grievances and move forward. By taking the time to read books like Getting Along, we become better people along the way.
Savanna Polasek is a nonprofit communications specialist, freelance writer, and creator of Memoir Ink. She is a Catholic convert and lives with her charming husband and daughter in Austin, Texas. In her free time she enjoys exploring Texas, listening to Catholic podcasts, reading, and writing fiction. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.