Advice for Women in the Sandwich Generation
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Caregivers in the “sandwich generation,” in the challenging position of caring for both their children and their aging parents, face a unique set of responsibilities and demands. According to AARP’s spring newsletter, three out of every 10 caregivers provide care for two generations, and 60% also have a full-time or part-time professional endeavor. This intricate juggling act can be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually challenging.
If you find yourself in a season of life where God has called you into the sandwich generation, know that God has intentionally chosen you as a caregiver for a reason. With the right approach, proper support, and helpful tools, this season can blossom into a beautiful vocation. In this article, I share advice from working sandwich-generation caregivers from the Catholic Daughter community that will help you restore balance to your life, regain control of your daily actions, and care for your loved ones with profound purpose.
Clearly Sharpen Your Roles
To go from feeling overwhelmed to more in control of your responsibilities, be deliberate about consciously sharpening your different roles. This process is all about identifying what matters most within each role, quality versus quantity, and simplifying and streamlining—all in the name of making your life more efficient.
Here are three ways to begin sharpening your role as a sandwich generation caregiver:
1. Accept Your Role
You’ve acknowledged your role as a parent. Now, it’s time to acknowledge and accept your role as a caregiver to your aging parents. Own it. The moment you do, you’ll notice a mental, emotional, and even spiritual shift in how you execute your responsibilities.
2. Acknowledge All Your Roles
Make a list of all your roles at this stage in life (e.g., wife, mom, professional, homeroom mom, caregiver to an adult parent, Bible study leader). Which roles are the most important right now? Are there any roles that don’t align with this season of life?
3. Identify Your Priorities
Identify the top three to five priorities for each role. Within each one, outline your current responsibilities, and determine which responsibilities you can eliminate and delegate. Focus on what matters.
Confidently Pursue Self-Care
Your well-being is essential for sustaining the care and support you provide to others. Do not be afraid to take care of yourself.
Pursuing self-care as a caregiver is a vital and transformative practice. Be a good steward of your body, mind, and soul. As a caregiver, you are devoting your time and energy to supporting others, making it critical to prioritize your own physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Self-care allows you to recharge, renew, and replenish to prevent burnout and to give the best of yourself.
Here are three ways to begin confidently pursuing self-care as a sandwich generation caregiver:
1. Establish Boundaries for All Your Roles
Boundaries are essential guardrails for maintaining a healthy balance between your well-being and the demands of your responsibilities. Remember to practice discipline when it comes to protecting your boundaries.
2. Protect Your Time
Allocate 10 to 15 minutes daily for “me time.” Use this time to clear your mind, listen to music, breathe intentionally, pray, walk, or do something that brings you joy.
3. Train Your Eye for Beauty
By training yourself to see the beauty in your daily life, you’ll recognize the blessings God is sending you in every situation.
Lean Into the Richness of Our Catholic Gems
“Your faith has saved you; go in peace” (Luke 7:50).
We are so blessed with the richness of our Catholic faith. The Church provides an abundance of gems that will guide you not only through parenthood but also throughout caring for your parent(s). Acknowledge that your spiritual nourishment is an essential element in this season of your life.
Leaning into your Catholic faith enables you to ground yourself in truth, align yourself with God’s will and purpose, continuously act in good faith, be a source of hope, and care with humble love.
Here are three ways to begin leaning into your Catholic faith as a sandwich-generation caregiver:
1. Protect Your Prayer Time
Protect your prayer time in the morning at all costs. Just as your children and your parent(s) need you, you need God (and He wants you). Prayer will deepen your relationship with God, open doors to receive His guidance, and give you the strength you need to be a caregiver.
2. Seek Spiritual Accompaniment
Build a habit of regularly checking in with a trusted spiritual mentor, director, or friend who can offer support, guidance, and insights to the Catholic gems available to help you lean into this season of life.
3. Recognize That God Chose You
Navigating the role of a sandwich-generation caregiver can be challenging, but know that you are capable! God intentionally chose you to be the caregiver for your children and your parent(s) at this specific moment in your life because He knows you can do it. Find comfort and strength in knowing that He will equip you with everything you need for this season.
Unite With the Right Resources
Juggling your roles alone is not necessary, nor is it realistic. Unleash the power of your network by engaging a team to help you with your responsibilities. As a Catholic woman in business, you probably recognize the need and value of uniting with the right people and resources; this same principle applies to your role as a sandwich-generation caregiver.
Trust me: You have more resources available to you than you realize. By working with others, you open up to your natural desire to be accompanied and embrace help.
Here are three ways to begin uniting with others as a sandwich-generation caregiver:
1. Delegate
Most of your family members probably genuinely want to help you but do not know how. Help them help you by assigning tasks to each household member. Provide clear expectations to ensure tasks are completed appropriately.
2. Refine What You Consume
Because of our digital environment, you are probably scrolling through social media at some point in your day.
Sister, refine what you are consuming.
Surround yourself with content that inspires, educates, and entertains you. As a sandwich-generation caregiver, you’re navigating a lot of daily unknowns. Be kind to yourself. Only follow accounts that bring you joy and peace. Trust me: It makes a world of difference.
3. Seek Counsel
Proactively connect with women in a similar season of life and with women who have “conquered” caregiving. Seek their counsel on best practices for caregiving and how to navigate this season with balance and purpose.
Be a Master of Key Moments
Amid all your roles and responsibilities, it’s important to remind yourself that at the end of the day, your presence is what your loved ones need and desire most. Be aware of the ordinary and extraordinary moments God presents in your life and the moments He asks you to architect. Let the moments you create reveal the grace, love, and dignity with which you care for your family.
Here are three ways to begin uniting with others as a sandwich-generation caregiver:
1. Embrace Humor and Fortitude
A little chuckle will give you the strength to move forward from a challenging moment with fortitude.
2. Accept the Difference
Now that you are a caregiver to a parent, even if it’s just part time, you know that your relationship has evolved—which is OK. As your parents age and your responsibilities as their caregiver develop, realize that you are not their parent, nor have they not become like children. Accept that your role as a caregiver to them differs from your role as a caregiver to your children.
3. Have Fun!
Despite the busyness and challenges of this season of your life, be sure to make time for fun! Plan time with your husband, your kids, your friends, your parent(s), and yourself to do something that brings joy to the moment. Fun times don’t always need to be complex; there are many simple ways to architect fun experiences.
Natasha Lovely is the CEO and Founder of Aspen & Oliva, a premier personal branding agency and Founder of Catholic Daughter, a ministry that equips women to conquer the 4th commandment. Driven by an entrepreneurial and creative spirit, she purposefully integrates her expertise as a clinical therapist and storytelling marketer to guide women to architect, refine, and master an iconic personal brand that effortlessly transcends into all areas of their lives - professional and personal. Her work with individuals and Fortune 50 companies to develop talent has led to her positioning as an authority on personal branding, an expert in leadership development, and a champion of the multi-hyphenate woman. Through her passion for business, Natasha has propelled her mission to inspire women to design a life of beauty, champion all things good and true, and guide them to become thought-leaders in their fields. You can connect with Natasha through Instagram, LinkedIn, or natashalucia.com.