5 Tips for Cultivating Good Habits and Living Well
“The more you understand the power of a habit, the more should you endeavor to be rid of a bad habit and change yourself over to a good one” (Saint John Chrysostom).
Do you ever find yourself inspired on a Tuesday afternoon to level-up your entire existence? New habits, new routines, new everything— all starting tomorrow?
These moments of inspiration might feel exhilarating, but they often result in self-sabotage. Our zeal becomes our enemy, and instead of waking up to newfound order, we wake up to a crushing to-do list and imminent failure. The customs we wish to uproot have taken an even tighter hold over us. When the day ends, instead of celebrating our new rhythm of life, we stumble to bed, miserable and defeated.
How do we break out of this cycle and build lasting habits? The answer is found in the slow, deliberate, and daily work of cultivating rituals that sustain us.
1. Create a Rhythm, Not a Routine
In recent years, I have found myself kicking the word “routine” to the curb and replacing it with “rhythm.” It’s far too tempting to get caught up in the rigidity of a routine. When this happens, I find that my speech becomes peppered with words like “need” and “quick.”
“I need to send this email.”
“I need to quickly clean this mess.”
Not long ago, I caught myself saying to my husband: “I need to take a shower, but don’t worry! I’ll be quick.”
With a puzzled expression, he responded, “You know, you can take your time.”
He was right. What was so pressing that I had to rush?
When we desperately try to stay on schedule, we end up frazzled. Our patience dries up, and we inflict undue pressure on ourselves. Whether we like it or not, life is full of interruptions. Maybe traffic is bad, or work called for an impromptu meeting; perhaps the baby had a blowout right as you were about to leave the house.
The key isn’t viewing these moments as failures but, rather, responding to them with grace and charity. It is important to understand that interruptions are passing moments. When we acknowledge that they are a part of life’s rhythm, we are equipped to attend to the unexpected task at hand before we return to the duties we anticipated.
2. Ask Yourself, “What Am I Doing Right?”
James Clear, author of the book Atomic Habits, provides phenomenal insight when he suggests that one way to initiate new habits is to build off of preexisting ones. He calls it “habit-stacking.” Essentially, instead of starting with the new habit, find something you are already doing and build off it.
For example, if you pour yourself a cup of coffee every morning, you can start habit-stacking by pouring yourself a cup of coffee and sitting down for some spiritual reading. You’re using your preexisting habit of making coffee, but now, your fresh brew signals the good habit of nourishing your spiritual life.
The perk of habit-stacking is that it starts small. Instead of waking up with an entire new roadmap for life, you are simply adding one additional task to something you are already doing. And, you can keep building. Once you have successfully managed to make coffee and spiritual reading part of your daily rhythm, you can add something else. For example: After I finish my spiritual reading, I start the laundry.
3. Weed out the Bad Habits
Anytime we want to undergo growth, we must also do some weeding. We need to uproot the things that are preventing us from moving forward. I like to think of character weeding as uprooting the poisonous traps from my life and replacing them with beautiful and fruitful rituals.
In today’s tech-heavy age, phone use is one of the culprits that sabotage not just productivity but also our creativity, our ability to flourish, and our ability to be present. According to one source, the average person checks his or her phone 58 times a day, and 46% of Americans believe that they spend between four and five hours a day on their phone!
It’s important that we honestly assess our phone use if we want to cultivate a flourishing rhythm of life. Two habits that can be helpful are curfews and “no-phone-zones.” Initiating a phone curfew or limit enables us to not fall into the unhealthy pitfalls of mind-numbing scrolling. For example, you might “tuck in” your phone each night at a particular time by putting it in a desk drawer, out of your bedroom. Not only is late-night scrolling off the table, but your bedroom is free to be a sacred space hidden from outside noise.
With your evenings phone-free, the next step is to intentionally choose a fruitful replacement. Maybe it’s quality time with your spouse, reading, praying an evening Rosary, or enjoying a beloved hobby like sewing or painting.
An additional perk of keeping your phone in a special place at night is that when you wake up, the first thing you check can no longer be your phone. With the temptation to scroll away from your fingers, you can fold your hands in prayer and give your day to God.
4. Embrace a Life of Plan Bs
When we understand that interruptions and unexpected events are embedded into life’s rhythm, we can better prepare ourselves for those moments. Two customs I have adopted are sick plans and easy dinners.
I can’t fully plan for when my family gets sick, but I can have a plan for how to navigate the days when someone wakes up with a fever. Instead of attempting to go about my normal daily activities, I replace my agenda with my “sick plan backup.”
On a sick day, I know that I’ll be putting most of the household chores on hold, and the kitchen will be cleaned in the evening. I stock up on simple cleaning products, like sanitizing wipes, specifically for these days. I recognize the importance of prioritizing laundry, and throwing in a load at night keeps the day simple.
The point of a sick plan is to pinpoint the necessities and leave the rest. It enables me to face the unexpected days of feeling unwell with peace, confidently knowing that it’s not the end of the world and there is no reason to feel behind. I am now free to prioritize being extra cozy and getting well.
My other favorite Plan B essential is easy dinners, a backup plan for the days that have an unusual number of interruptions. While I love meal-planning for the week, I have the solace of knowing that a rough day means pulling out the pasta and spaghetti sauce from the pantry. Instead of rushing to get a beautiful meal on the dinner table, I am free to make something easy.
When it comes to having an easy dinner backup, all you have to do is choose something to always keep in stock. For me, it’s spaghetti.
5. Connect Your Habits to Virtue
Lastly, when it comes to building habits, I have found the most fruitful and vital element is connecting those habits to virtue.
Am I too attached to my phone? Do I like to procrastinate? Am I constantly putting off the chores I dislike to do the ones I find more palatable? These three pitfalls might mean I struggle with the vice of sloth.
When we can recognize the vice lurking behind our bad habits, we can take these stumblings to Christ and ask for His grace to grow in the opposite virtue. We can ask Him to help us grow in diligence and magnanimity, recognizing that ultimately, it is only through God’s grace that we will have the confidence and stamina to run a good race.
“Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win” (1 Corinthians 9:24).
Ann Burns is the founder of The Feminine Project, an organization dedicated to restoring the joy of womanhood. She is a writer and speaker, and strives to uphold what is truly good and beautiful. Most of all, she is a wife and mother, and loves to share the joy in living each day well.