A Catholic Approach to Inner Child Healing
“Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14).
I have to admit, I’ve been skeptical of so-called “inner child work.” I’m kind of a mess right now; shouldn’t I focus on my inner grownup? But working with my therapist, I’ve seen that I am the same person now that I was when I was five, 15, and 25. Whether we had happy childhoods or not, our parents, teachers, and mentors weren’t perfect—which means that inevitably, things happened that caused wounds that we carry as adults.
Brya Hanan is a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as a Catholic woman. I’ve been following her on Instagram for some time and was intrigued when she announced her new book, Befriending Your Inner Child: A Catholic Approach to Healing and Wholeness. Out now from Ave Maria Press (which, full disclosure, is also my publisher), this book is a compassionate, insightful guide to healing wounds from childhood and adolescence—always with the help of Jesus and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Healing to Serve
If you’re a mom, you’re probably tired of hearing people say, “You have to put on your own oxygen mask first!” Still, it’s a cliche for a reason—and it’s true for non-parents as well.
Perhaps because Befriending Your Inner Child is a Christian book, the topic of service comes up a lot. It’s important to heal yourself because you, as a daughter of God, deserve healing. But it’s also necessary in order to fully serve the people God puts in your life to serve:
Befriending our inner child is meant to move us from the leper, the unclean, the blind, and the Samaritan in ourselves to the leper, the unclean, the blind, and the Samaritan in others. … Thus, as we seek to better understand and befriend our inner child, we will also better understand and befriend the inner child in others, and through that process, learn how to offer ourselves as a sincere gift.
Throughout the book, Hanan walks readers through how to discover and then draw near to their inner child. The goal is always healing and growing closer to God. After all, as Hanan writes, “Jesus is so united with God that he can always acknowledge what is broken and in need of love and healing without it stealing his equilibrium and peace.” What’s more, “the service Jesus applauds and exemplifies is one of slowing down to recognize and honor the presence of God.”
Removing the Illusion of Control
Many of us, myself included, suffer a lot as a result of trying to control everything in our lives—and inevitably finding out that we can’t. Hanan writes that this “illusion of control” stems from the protective part of our inner child, which she says is our adolescent self.
This part of us grasps and clings to all that cannot satisfy or offer us the healing we need most. Unfortunately, our protective part cannot see this, because it also lives with many unspoken rules that it has been convinced are necessary for survival. These unspoken rules chain us to the past and keep us from experiencing the Lord’s freedom.
I’ve experienced a lot of healing in this area since becoming a mother, thanks to God’s grace and a good therapist. It’s a work in progress, though! When we don’t cling to God, we cling to something else, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or even a specific plan for how we want our life to go. While it’s good to have a job, relationships, and goals and plans for our life, the trouble comes when we are overly attached to them, believing they, not God, can keep us safe.
This process of detaching from control and attaching to God is just one of the processes Hanan walks readers through in Befriending Your Inner Child (as well as the accompanying meditations on Ave Maria Press’ website, which are linked with QR codes in the book). Even–or maybe especially—if you struggle with the idea of “inner child” work, I recommend picking up a copy. Exploring these topics in a Catholic context is invaluable for yourself, your relationships, and your vocation to holiness.
Taryn DeLong is a Catholic wife and mother in North Carolina who serves as co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business. Her first book, Holy Ambition: Thriving as a Catholic Woman at Work and at Home, written with her co-president Elise Crawford Gallagher, is available for preorder from Ave Maria Press. Connect with Taryn: Instagram • Facebook • LinkedIn • Blog • Substack