Business Etiquette: A Guide to Success
“In good manners lies the true art of winning friends and influencing people” (Father Lawrence Lovasik).
In today’s “just be you” age, it’s become increasingly popular to scoff at the idea of etiquette. There is a laundry list of reasons explaining such a stance: Etiquette is too rigid, it sets people up for undo pressure, it’s insincere, it’s too posh, and so on.
But all of these reasons are not just poor; they’re actually untrue. Good manners should be understood as an extension of virtue—specifically the virtue of charity.
“Charity is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1822).
It is for this reason that, as Catholics, living a mannerly life is not just ideal but necessary. Good manners flow from good morals; they compliment our pursuit of holiness.
Etiquette reminds us to consider others before ourselves. It calls to mind our neighbor’s God-given dignity and forces us to acknowledge that they should be treated with kindness.
When we argue against manners, we betray our own selfishness. It’s an argument in favor of self-importance, lack of discipline, and whims above the needs of others. As Father Lawrence Lovasik explains in his book The Catholic Family Handbook, “A bad-mannered person … holds that the rest of the world is unworthy of his effort to win and retain anyone’s friendship.”
Etiquette: The Key to Success in Business
In a business setting, etiquette is paramount. Whether we are navigating challenging situations or people or having to promote a product, etiquette equips us with a road map. In the first two circumstances, etiquette reminds us that the solution is genuine charity—treating a challenging person as a brother or sister in Christ.
If we find ourselves in such a situation, we can turn to St. Thérèse of Lisieux, who had plenty of experience dealing with difficult people. As she wrote in Story of a Soul, “Formerly, one of our nuns managed to irritate me, whatever she did or said. The devil was mixed up in it, for it was certainly he who made me see so many disagreeable traits in her.”
It’s easy to view our dealings with “difficult souls” through a sanctimonious lens of indignation, but it takes genuine humility and true charity to recognize that yielding to such frustration is not holy. While we may not feel warmly toward a particular person, etiquette instructs us on how to move forward by, for example, always treating the individual cordially, hearing them out, and avoiding any opportunity to slander or gossip about them. These are practices of etiquette, just as they are also extensions of charity.
St. Thérèse beautifully reminds us that the goal should be to “miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word, always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.”
In sales, etiquette is paramount, because it teaches us to value the client over what we can get out of a deal. When the emphasis is always on the other, rather than ourselves, the task of selling isn’t one of self-interest but, first, seeking genuine connections with another. As a result, we build trust and bring meaning to our connections. Good manners safeguard others’ dignity by refusing to look at them through a utilitarian lens.
Fr. Lovasik also explains, “Lifelong good manners mean real popularity, with the later success in life that comes from popularity. Social and financial success is enormously facilitated for the person who knows the right thing to do and does it.”
Etiquette Isn’t Superficial, Because It Isn’t Flattery
A well-mannered person never ingratiates herself. Instead, she insists on doing the right thing, whether or not it seems advantageous at the moment. It is reminiscent of St. Benedict’s Rule, which asserts that we should greet all as if they were Christ. When we come from a place of seeing Christ in others, we facilitate lasting relationships, because we operate from a place of love, as opposed to a place seeking love and dollar bills.
The business world, while often associated with coldness, should be viewed through the lens of caring. Each job attends to different needs, and hopefully, we understand that our careers are meant to serve a greater good. Not only should good behavior be understood as necessary, but we should never have reason to believe it’s superficial or posh. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Etiquette: A Fundamental Guide for Living Well
Reclaiming the importance of business etiquette means we need to first reclaim the importance of everyday manners. We can start by turning to Venerable Teresita Quevado’s Code of Amiability:
To smile until a kindly smile forms readily on one’s lips.
To repress a sign of impatience at the very start.
To add a word of benevolence when giving orders.
To reply positively when asked to do a favor.
To lend a helping hand to the unfortunate.
To please those toward whom one feels repugnance.
To study and satisfy the tastes of those with whom one lives.
To respect everyone.
To avoid complaining.
To correct, if one must, with kindness.
Once we acknowledge that gracious living isn’t just something to try on for a conference but a way of life, difficult situations become a lot easier to navigate. After all, etiquette provides us with the necessary parameters to live a flourishing life.
Employing good behavior means prudently and kindly responding to angry emails. It means taking the time to write a thank you note. It means forgoing demeaning attitudes and truly listening to others rather than just responding.
Etiquette helps us create boundaries with work as well. Recognizing that there are appropriate hours to text and call others reminds us that people are not always available at our beck and call.
Furthermore, practicing manners helps us to overcome fears surrounding things like small talk or criticism, because our focus shifts from self to truly seeking what is right in each situation.
Etiquette is essential to living each day well. It encourages us to elevate our lives and pursue what is true and kind. And, in our work lives, etiquette teaches us the key to true success by valuing others before our own personal gain.
Ann Burns is the founder of The Feminine Project, an organization dedicated to restoring the joy of womanhood. She is a writer and speaker, and strives to uphold what is truly good and beautiful. Most of all, she is a wife and mother, and loves to share the joy in living each day well.