Remaining With the Lord When Overlooked
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn posts of job promotions, awards, bonuses, and job moves fill your feed. Employee newsletters, staff meetings, and work gossip announce promotions, awards, and bonuses. You jump back onto social media and everyone seems to be posting a new exciting life announcement of a job, engagement, or baby.
Everyone seems to be getting something but you. Everyone seems to be moving forward while you feel stuck in the same place. It seems that everyone else is experiencing something that you think you deserve. You think: “Why is she getting x and I am not?” “I deserve x too.” Or “I have earned x.”
Comparison, envy, and jealousy creep into our minds and hearts. These are human and normal reactions that need to be felt and acknowledged. Catholic Spiritual Direction defines envy as “sadness at the happiness of another.” How do we cope with these very real human experiences without acting on our feelings?
In her talks, Sister Miriam James Heidland frequently references a conversation she had with a priest who said that the biggest risk for any priest – but also for any of us – is the hardening of our hearts. How do we prevent our hearts from hardening when we see others getting what we think we deserve?
Be Honest
Talk with a trusted mentor, friend, or family member about the situation. Much of our resentment, comparison, jealousy, and envy comes from pushing our emotions downward instead of being honest with others and the Lord. Most importantly, talk with God. He knows what you are feeling and why, but He wants to hear from you directly. You can be honest; the anger, hurt, and frustration are all feelings that the Lord wants to hear from you so that He can console you. Honesty with God is better than any façade.
Take a Step Back
Our first instinct might be to complain or lash out about the situation. Neither of these reactions usually work well. There may be a legitimate reason we did not receive x, or there may be an injustice at play. By not receiving x, another opportunity may be presented in the short-or-long term.
Stepping back from the situation is difficult and can be painful. It’s hard to discern with the Lord how to react, why “this” happened, and what to do next. There’s no easy five-step plan to follow; but day by day (perhaps moment by moment) you can surrender this pain and embarrassment to the Lord.
We may soon understand the reason we did not get that promotion, bonus, or award; or we may not know until we’re on the other side of heaven. Not reaching for control of the situation and surrendering instead is outside of our comfort zones and desire for instant gratification and understanding. The Lord is inviting us to take refuge in Him only; to let Him show us how to “number our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart” (Psalm 90:12) and trust in Him.
Get Off Social Media and Do Something Fun
Social media is the worst place to spend time when you are upset that you did not get or do not have something that you think you deserve. The algorithm feeds into your feelings of comparison, jealousy, and envy, causing a hurtful situation to look even worse. We all know that the social media platforms are engineering our feelings of isolation and bitterness.
So, get off for a week or two (even a month), and do something fun and enjoyable. I know that when I am in a place where I am comparing and feeling jealous and envious that I need to get off social media (deleting the apps and/or temporarily deactivating your accounts helps!).
Find an activity or a hobby that brings you joy and helps you move through your feelings. Personally, I love going to coffee shops and working on embroidery projects or reading. It helps me to focus on something else while I am feeling upset over a situation.
Simple activities like taking walks, going to a coffeeshop, exploring a bookstore, or anything that makes you smile are good things. In these small activities, the Lord is with us too.
Community
We were not made to live this life alone. Not every single person needs to know all the details, but be with other people as you cope. There will be times when you will want and need to be alone as you cope with the situation, but there will also be times when you will benefit from being with others and receiving their love.
The beauty of the Catholic Church is how she models communion with others through Scripture, the Saints, and the Sacraments. We can look to Scripture to see those who allowed their jealousy and envy get the better of them:
· Joseph and his brothers
· Saul and David
· James and John ask to sit on the Lord’s right and left hand with the other apostles upset and angry at such a request.
We can also see witnesses who trusted in the Lord when others got something that they desired:
· Abraham and Sarah’s long desire for a child.
· Hannah was childless and was mocked by others but prayed for a son and then gave Samuel to the Lord
· Elizabeth is pregnant at long-last and rejoicing that Mary is the Mother of God.
Seeing others get things – promotions, awards, bonuses, engagements, marriages, children, travel, etc. – that we think we deserve is a painful experience. We may never understand why it happened this way and continue to ask why them and not us.
The Lord does not pick and choose willy-nilly who gets what and when. All our gifts are from God. Not getting something is not a punishment from the Lord. It is an invitation to draw closer to Him and to remember that Jesus is the same today, yesterday, and forever. He sees us at this moment, and He wants to be with us. Rest in Him and in His promises.
Alexandra (Alex) Harrel resides in Irving, Texas. She is a new student affairs professional within the world of higher education. In her spare time, she loves reading, listening to podcasts, and spending time outdoors. Her favorite prayer is Hail, Holy Queen. You can follow her on Instagram at @2012alexandra.