Allyship: Women Supporting Other Women
“It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the whole world more human and more fraternal.” – Pope St. John Paul II
Collaboration not Competition
Both personally and professionally, I have been in rooms with powerful, strong, inspiring women. Stereotypically, these women can come across as standoffish, prideful, even cutthroat. However, in my experience, most women standing in those positions are thrilled to help other women get there too. They firmly believe that helping others rise does not diminish their worth but helps society rise as a whole. It is not about cutting other people down to get to the top but raising the bar even higher to see how incredible the world can become.
As Pope St. John Paul II states in his Letter to Women: “For in giving themselves to others each day women fulfill their deepest vocation. Perhaps more than men, women acknowledge the person, because they see persons with their hearts. They see them independently of various ideological or political systems. They see others in their greatness and limitations; they try to go out to them and help them.”
I see this in action in various women-only networking groups I attend. Women meet to support one another, to brainstorm, to encourage. We collaborate to solve problems. We share experiences and insight not only to build each other up but to help kickstart each other’s dreams. We are constantly thinking about connections or introductions we can make to help one another. We celebrate each other’s wins and hold each other up when we fail.
Becoming Better to Inspire Those Around You
We are better together because of one another. I was once told by a mentor to “sit at the table” during an all-office meeting. She explained that choosing to sit on the outskirts of the rooms could look like I did not have the confidence to be a leader. Even as a younger member of the office, she knew I had the skills needed to lead projects and teams, and that the other managers needed to see I believed in myself.
I have always been a bit more introverted, shying away from the spotlight. When my mentor had this conversation with me, I realized I was holding myself back. Not that being an introvert is bad, but taking a seat at that table and being a more vocal leader would allow me to advance more in my career. This advancement would give me a platform to invest in others and help them grow as well, just as my mentor was helping me. When we step out of our comfort zone, we grow and encourage those around us to grow.
The same is true outside of the business world. When we elevate our standards, we encourage those around us to push to be better too. A friend refers to this as positive peer pressure. If your friends, coworkers, family, etc. only go to Mass when it is convenient, you are more likely to miss Mass too. However, if they are going to daily Mass and monthly confession, you will more than likely rise to higher standards as well.
Pursuing greatness is something we are all called to in different ways and on different levels. We must discern what God is asking of us in each season. But when we allow ourselves to rise, we encourage those around us to rise. When we let our light shine, we give others the permission to shine with us. Jesus calls us to be “the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father” (Matthew 5:14-16).
The end of this verse is incredibly important: “that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.” (Matthew 5:16, italics added). Not only should our deeds inspire those around us, but they also need to glorify God. We need to be sure we are listening to the Holy Spirit, his promptings and inspirations, so we use our gifts, talents, and relationships to bring glory to God. Through prayer and discernment, we can see where and how God wants to use our talents to inspire others.
Seeing People with Our Hearts
Reflecting back on what JPII said in his Letter to Women, as women we “see people with our hearts.” When we use our feminine genius, we are more attuned to see what others in the room need at different times. Sometimes, instead of inspiration, others simply need us to listen. Being there for others in hard times is just as important as inspiring them.
Having an active prayer life, discerning where God wants us, being fully present in each situation, allows us to assess each situation and support the women around us appropriately. Maybe this means listening; maybe it means a hug; maybe it means advice. This support is just as important as inspiration.
Building Authentic Relationships
God created us for relationships: “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We are called to live in community and to have authentic relationships. This community, these relationships, should call us to be better, should support us, should allow us to be fully ourselves, fully alive. When women support women, we build each other up, grow stronger, and reach new heights. Sometimes this looks like competition, but in genuine relationships this competition is not rooted in hoping the other fails but striving to see just how good I can become and hoping those with me rise higher too.
For me, CrossFit is a perfect example of this. There are a few friendly rivalries at my gym. Not once have I wished others did worse in a workout or competition, but often I wish I had done better. Seeing someone beat me challenges me to consider if I pushed as hard as I could, or if there is something I need to work on. It is a “me versus me” mentality with them at my side. We all encourage one another and celebrate each other’s wins. I believe the inspiration is mutual. Some of us joke about the friendly rivalry and waiting to see who beat us during the last class of the day. It is all in good fun, but it also pushes my fitness to a higher level.
Living the life God has called us to is not comfortable. As Pope Benedict XVI said: “we are not called to comfort, but to greatness.” We are called to that greatness together. How can you better support, encourage, inspire the women around you? How is God asking you to be an ally for others?
Erica Mathews is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional with Financial Counseling Associates, a family-owned financial planning and investment management firm. She helps relieve financial stress with organization, automation and a plan, helping others manage their finances so they can live as God is calling them to. She lives in Colorado with her husband and four kids; they love CrossFit, rock climbing, gardening, and exploring. Erica’s email is erica@fca-inc.com.