Pursuing Magnanimity with a Busy Schedule
“The ways of the Lord are not comfortable. But we were not created for comfort, but for greatness.” – Pope Benedict XVI
I came across this Instagram post as I started writing. I get the same comment all the time: "I don't know how you balance it all." I have never responded in the way the poster did, but there is something to her response that resonated with me:
“I genuinely have no other choice but to make it work. I have so many things on my list, I'm not about to use my kids as an excuse to not achieve them… I could just like, wait until they're old enough to be home by themselves to ‘have time.’ Or I could show them that we can do hard things and we just get it done… Like I say in the bio, YOUR GOALS MATTER TOO. Go after it.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely a balance we must maintain, but that does not mean you have to put your goals on hold or settle for mediocrity. It does mean the journey will look different. It means you must find the schedule, the routine, the training plan, and the priorities that are important to you, to your family, and – most importantly – to God. You will need to find the humility to surrender your life to Him and let Him take control of the outcome.
Where to start?
So, what’s my answer to “how do you do it all?” Honestly, I don’t. I prioritize what’s important, ask for help, pray, and surrender. I do my best to ask God to direct my motivations, my actions, and my choices. He is in control. His will prevails. All I can hope to do is participate in the plan He has laid before me. Often, I don’t understand that plan. I have no idea where it is going, but He has never led me astray. I may not know the “why,” but in humility I surrender. St. Padre Pio once said, “The habit of asking why has ruined the world.” So I trust God and keep moving forward. He places desires on our hearts. They may seem “worldly” or “not holy enough,” but if they are not sinful, who are we to say they are not what or where God wants us?
He calls us to be a light to the world. That light needs to shine everywhere, even – maybe especially – in secular arenas. Are your goals bold? Good. You were created to be amazing. You were created in the image and likeness of God. That image is what you are called to reflect into the world in all you do. As Dr. Edward Sri explains in his article on magnanimity: “the magnanimous person continuously strives to perfect the virtues in all areas of his life. He is not content with simply being good. He reaches out toward excellence.”
Does reaching toward excellence seem daunting? Maybe it even seems prideful? In the same article, Dr. Sri explains that “this is not opposed to humility. The magnanimous person pursues greatness in proportion to his ability. He humbly takes stock of all the gifts that God has given him and seeks to use them as best he can. As Aquinas explains: “Magnanimity makes a man deem himself worthy of great things in consideration of the gifts he holds from God.’”
Overwhelmed?
Why are we so often overwhelmed at the thought of striving toward this greatness? I propose it is because we are stretching ourselves too thin and asking too much of ourselves. Rather than “humbly taking stock of the gifts God has given us,” we assume we have to do it all. Maybe this means cooking every meal, keeping your home spotless, dressing a certain way, entertaining others often, and homeschooling your children. The list goes on. There is nothing inherently wrong with anything on this list; the problem arises when you put the pressure on yourself to keep up with it all without asking God if that is where He wants you. It is hard to be great at anything if there is too much on your plate.
So, take a moment to pray about where God wants you and why. Begin by thinking about what brings you the most joy. Where do you have the most fun? God wants us to be happy. Our joy radiates from us when we participate in our God-given passions. This joy is contagious and can spark conversations about what (really Who) is the source of that joy.
Be honest with yourself. Do not think about what you think should bring you the most joy. Both within the Catholic world and the working women world, we can easily fall into the trap of thinking what would the perfect Catholic woman/mom/employee/etc. find joy in. This is not about what you think you should feel; it is about what you actually feel. Make that list.
As you look at your list, think about the responsibilities of your state of life and vocation. How much time do you truly have? Can you make more time without neglecting the responsibilities God is asking of you? Those are the next areas of discernment. Remember that you can still pursue your goals, but it might take you longer or down a less traditional path than someone in a different state of life.
Competitive CrossFit currently tops my list, which, honestly, sometimes feels not holy enough to be a priority. I still sometimes struggle with many of the questions I mentioned earlier (Is this really the best use of my time? Isn’t this a worldly pursuit? Why?). But when a spiritual mentor said to me, “Why wouldn’t God want you to be there as a witness to His love?” my perspective changed. While I do not understand it, I have surrendered and said, “ok, let’s do this, what’s next?” Honestly, I love every minute of it, but I am deeply aware that it might just be a season and could be over at any moment if something else needs to take priority.
Scheduling
How do I fit in three to four hours of workouts per day while running a business and having a family with four young kids? I schedule, I prioritize, and I give myself grace to not get it all done. When I first started training as much as I am, my coach said (and has said again and again) to remember that even the coaches who write the programming probably do not expect people to get through all of it. Train smarter instead of harder.
At the beginning of each week, I start by looking at my calendar. What meetings do I have, what activities do my kids have, what essential tasks need to happen for work, home, and family? Then I look at the training for the week. I know that every day I will be at the gym for the 5 a.m. class. I will get home around 6:15 to get the family ready for school and get myself ready for the day. After school drop-off and breakfast, I start work. Because I already know what my non-negotiables are from my weekly planning, I jump right in and focus. It is amazing what can be accomplished in four hours when you have something else you want to get done.
Around 11, I make lunch and eat while I wrap things up. Between 12 and 1, I start my second session for CrossFit. This one I do at home (no commute time to the gym). This means I’m done with time for a quick shower before picking everyone up from school. On days when I have more work, I enlist my older two kids to work out with me after we get home from school. There are days when I don’t finish or don’t do my second workout. I have an achiever personality type, so it has taken humility and grace to be okay with not accomplishing everything. This is a huge area of growth for me, but I know my priorities and let God take care of the rest.
The bottom line is that juggling schedules is never easy or simple. It requires humility and planning, but putting your goals on hold because life is crazy is not necessary. My life is flexible in ways that others’ lives are not, but creativity in scheduling can be endless. Maybe you can fit something in during your lunch hour, on your way home from work, or after the kids are in bed. Maybe it is taking the time to discern where you might be wasting time or what tasks you need to ask for help with. Sometimes we forget that hired help is okay. Maybe there is something you are not good at that is someone else’s blue flame. You could bless that person by hiring them instead.
Temptations
Doing it all can be a temptation that pulls us away from what God actually wants us to do. When we are spread thin, all we can hope for is mediocrity, when we are actually called to magnanimity. False piety and false humility can also stand in our way. The idea that I am unworthy to do great things or incapable of great things can feel aligned with our lowliness in comparison to God. However, as Dr. Sri mentions, God has a high call for “every one of His children: a call to perfection,” which comes from “the grace Jesus offers us to help us achieve this perfection that we could never arrive at on our own.” It is not enough to simply “avoid doing bad things.” God wants so much more out of you. As step one, you must figure out where that greatness lies and where He wants you to prioritize your time.
Another obstacle that keeps people in mediocrity is the fear of failure. Do you worry that you won’t be able to achieve the greatness you are working toward? In those situations, remember this quote from St. Teresa of Calcutta: “We are called to be faithful, not successful.” None of us knows what our efforts will accomplish, but striving to be great, as long as it is aligned with God’s will, will bless others. Where is God calling you to be great? What is He calling you to pursue and prioritize? How will you take steps toward that this year?
Erica Mathews is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional with Financial Counseling Associates, a family-owned financial planning and investment management firm. She helps relieve financial stress with organization, automation, and a plan, helping others manage their finances so they can live as God is calling them to. She lives in Colorado with her husband and four kids; they love CrossFit, rock climbing, gardening, and exploring nature. Erica’s email is erica@fca-inc.com