Maternity Leave Challenges: Tips for Postpartum Moms and the People Who Support Them
“We try to escape, of course, either habitually or occasionally. But we never can. The point I want to make is that a woman can achieve the highest spirituality and union with God through her house and children, through doing her work, which leaves her no time for thought of self, for consolation, for prayer, for reading, for what she might consider development. She is being led along the path of growth inevitably.”
Every once in a while, I forget that I now have three boys. Then, I hear things like, “Mama! Jackie put his hand in the toilet!”, and I realize that, while I’ve been nursing my three-month-old, two other boys have been … up to no good.
Oh, my Lord Jesus, help me!
Yes, I now have three boys under the age of four. I’m grateful, of course. My boys are a handful, but they’re healthy, thriving, and such a gift. I’m also grateful to work for an organization that offers a generous maternity leave, which allows me to get to know my newest boy and to settle into a rhythm as a family of five before going back to work.
I’m three months in, though, and that “rhythm” still seems elusive. I remember it being easier with the first baby, harder with the second, and just kind of chaotic this time around. Babies are like that—unique. As I’m learning, each round of maternity leave also comes with a slew of challenges unique to the seasons and stages of a family.
Maternity leave is a gift, but it’s not easy. There are highlights and sweet, sweet moments for sure; I relish the snuggles. But, alongside the sweetness of getting to know my newborn, there are real challenges and real work to be done.
Here are a few little-talked-about struggles that mamas (and their families) often navigate during maternity leave—and a few ways that family, friends, colleagues, and employers can help.
Staying Well
Aside from learning how to keep a tiny human alive, we also have to figure out how to keep ourselves alive! Our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being can take a nosedive during this time. Sleep deprivation can leave us feeling foggy and frazzled, and the smallest setbacks take on a sharper edge when sleep is slim. Interruption is inherent to life with a newborn, and we sometimes can’t maintain the routines we once held dear.
Taken together, these disruptions can leave us feeling disconnected. We may start to stumble through our days un-showered, subsisting on toddler snacks, and yearning for the woman we once knew ourselves to be.
For Mamas
To stay well, we need to find ways to reconnect with who we are and whose we are. We (you and I!) are beloved daughters of God, and he wants us to thrive! On the most basic level, we need to talk with God every day, do something creative or relational, and fuel our bodies with nutritious food and exercise.
Take action to set yourself up for success in each of these areas. For instance, you might:
Adopt a simple morning offering, saying, “Good morning, Jesus. I love you. I thank you. I praise you. Keep me within your will.”
Turn on a spiritual podcast while you nurse, do chores, or take a walk.
Stock your fridge and pantry with healthy snacks.
Prep and freeze individually portioned meals for busy days.
Choose a creative project that you can keep out and dabble in.
Establish phone-free hours each day.
Text one friend each day, just to say hello (it’s OK if it takes multiple days to get through a conversation!)
Remember that it’s OK if your routines are different than they used to be. It can be easy to fall into wishful or nostalgic thinking. Remember that your life is a gift right now. Take stock of what you do have available to you.
For Others
Bring her meals. Meet her for a walk. Recommend a good book or podcast. Remind her of her goodness and her strengths—not only in her role as a mom but as herself, too!
Slowing Down and Speeding up
Maternity leave can feel like a time warp, when the pace of life both slows down and speeds up. On the one hand, especially in the first weeks of newborn life, physical limitations demand that we move more slowly, sleep more often, and ease into our bodies and into the hustle of daily living. Even though baby is on the outside now, he still prefers to be snuggled close.
On the other hand, the close proximity to new life can highlight our own “old” age and just how quickly time goes. How is it possible that I have children? A minivan? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was making my way through the streets of Manhattan—caffeinated, driven, clear-eyed, and eager?
If we’re not intentional about how we spend our time and energy, it can begin to feel as if life is happening to us, instead of for us. We may begin to forget that our life is an extravagant, undeserved gift—and that we are invited to receive, embrace, and make the most of it.
For Mamas
Begin to cultivate a habit of reflection and thought. Put your phone on airplane mode or stash it in another room. Then, pick an aspect of your life to just think about. Set aside your inclination to set goals, solve problems, or find efficiencies. Instead, ponder your life. Take time to notice its character and beauty. In time, you’ll see the fingerprints of the Lord—the giver of good gifts and the maker of all—all over it.
For Others
Ask her big questions. Marvel at the journey she’s taken! Laugh and reminisce with her about the past. Dream with her about the future. Encourage her.
What if … and What’s Next?
Perhaps one of the most interesting things about having a baby is how it can trigger some big, personal, existential questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? How am I going to do this?
Likewise, questions big and small arise for families: Is our income enough? Does one of us need to (or want to) change careers or stay home with the children? Do you want to do dishes or bath time? Are we good parents?
Things that used to be second nature and “certain” are suddenly unclear. A haze of what-ifs and what-fors can hover over a family during this time (and potentially beyond it), leading to a general sense of uncertainty, discontentment, or discouragement.
For Mamas
Spend time with Jesus. Read (or listen to) Scripture, sit in the beauty of nature, and be present with your children. Get familiar with the Lord’s voice. Then, approach your concerns, fears, and dreams through the reality of who he is.
You might also brush up on how to discern and take time to reexamine and recommit to your vocation(s).
For Others
Listen to her concerns. Ask her questions to try to reach the heart of the matter. Be prudent when offering advice. Remind her how much Jesus loves her.
All the Rest
I could go on—and, indeed, I’ve written and rewritten this piece many times, unsure of which challenges to focus on. The truth is, there are many challenges. And they’re all … well … challenging!
But even though there are many difficulties after having a baby, the remedies are relatively few. Really, only one matters: Jesus. In the thick postpartum fog, it can be so easy to lose sight of him. We can begin to think that he’s left us alone with our crying babies, piles of laundry, and existential crises.
But God is right next to us. As we hold our babies close, he holds us closer still. We are his children, after all! And we can trust our good, good father.
The Lord has called us into the heroic task of motherhood, but he has not called us to go it alone. I’ll close with a prayer that St. Paul writes to the Thessalonians. It’s my prayer for all my fellow mamas and all who support them:
“To this end, we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and powerfully bring to fulfillment every good purpose and every effort of faith, that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, in accord with the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12).
Tara Wright is an artist, Marine wife, and happy Catholic. By day, Tara creates content for Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit force behind the beloved children’s show “Sesame Street.” She is the owner of Tara Wright Studio, where she specializes in custom art and illustration, and is co-founder of Scatter and Sow. After spending several years on the east coast, Tara and her family now call Oklahoma home.