Reframing Obstacles for Growth: A Catholic Take
“Unfurl the sails, and let God steer us where he will” (St. Bede the Venerable).
A few weeks ago, I stopped into the Adoration chapel at our parish, my then-18-month-old son in tow since my childcare plans for the day had fallen through. When we stepped into the chapel, it was packed. Normally, it’s empty on a weekday morning, so I was a bit surprised and not a little disgruntled: 18-month-olds are not generally known for respecting reverent silence.
Within three minutes, my son was screeching, so I took my cue and left the chapel to avoid disrupting the others. I fought a rising wave of frustration as I wheeled the stroller out the door. Was 15 minutes of silent, kid-free prayer too much to ask?
I headed for the sanctuary instead, but my irritation crested when I saw that it, too, was jammed. A man caught my eye and waved me over, stroller and all, and I noticed that several priests were stationed throughout the nave. They’d set up a makeshift confessional, and though I was somewhat unprepared, I jumped at the opportunity nonetheless.
For weeks, I’d been aching to go to Confession to unload a particular burden, but I’d not yet made the time. On that particular day, Jesus welcomed me into the arms of grace by way of a noisy toddler, a crowded Adoration chapel, and a serendipitous stumble right into several open confessionals. A sequence of events that started with my resenting my child for interrupting my prayer time ended in (literal) absolution.
As I wheeled the stroller back to the car, I started thinking about the way our culture views disruptions as poison to our personal and professional successes. For years, I’d bought this lie, and it primed me to feel resentful of my spouse, my kids—anyone who complicated my goals. What if there was another way?
Expecting Disruption: Dismantling the Myth of the “Ideal Day”
Though self-help gurus sell early mornings, ice water baths, and green juice as the vehicles to success, one “ideal day” at a time, there really is no formula that works for average middle-class Americans with full lives—lives that include managing a family or other full-time caregiving responsibilities that we cannot simply shed in order to go transform into the highest and best version of ourselves. Even for those who have some control over our time and schedules, there’s still the Problem of Life, to which none are immune: We get sick. Our kids get sick. We lose clients. There are traffic jams and long lines and meetings that drag on longer than they should. There are pandemics and tripledemics and trying relationships that all the collagen smoothies in the world cannot fix.
Life, by its nature, is given to massive disruption. Since we know, from experience, that disruption will come, can we train ourselves to expect it instead of becoming righteously indignant when it upheaves our plans? Instead of trying to “life hack” our way out of struggles, obstacles, and challenges, can we learn to move with them in one steady, grace-filled dance?
Expecting disruption can help us in a number of ways. It can lessen our resentment of other people, whether our own children, our customers or clients, or even strangers in traffic. It erodes our egos by reminding us that our businesses and our work exist not for our own satisfaction but for the Kingdom. And, generally, it can lower our stress levels: When we factor in the unexpected, we’re less frazzled when our plans inevitably unravel, whether it’s a day that’s taken a sharp left turn or some grander life goal that is suddenly forced to take a back seat to more pressing priorities.
Disruption as a Path to Growth
Taking this logic a step further, we can go beyond expecting disruption: We can welcome it as a path to growth. It’s easy to make prudent choices and to be faithful when our lives are running smoothly. Indeed, when it happens, it’s a gift to cherish. But, can we grow in virtue and walk in our purpose even when pushed through the furnace of disappointment, failure, and frustrated plans?
Like my Confession experience, sometimes these growth opportunities are foisted upon us. The “interruption” of my toddler in the crowded chapel was what led me to radical healing in the confessional. In a similar way, the interruptions and inconveniences in our lives and businesses can lead us to discover even greater gifts. Maybe the client who decides to part ways frees up your time for a more life-giving project. Perhaps the child who’s home sick from school forces you to hit pause and rest, allowing you to approach your work with renewed energy. Or, maybe a failed product launch pushes you to consider a better, more profitable direction for your business.
Regardless of the situation, approaching our days with a spirit of curiosity and receptivity can lead us to new and unexpected ways to flourish.
Letting Others Destroy Your Audacious Goals
In a recent podcast episode, author, comedian, and podcaster Jennifer Fulwiler encourages and praises women who nurture what she calls “big, hairy, audacious goals.” But she includes a proverbial asterisk, explaining that the most fulfilling, fruitful way to live is to nurture these goals—yet surround ourselves with people who constantly “blow them up.”
In Fulwiler’s case, it’s her six children “blowing up” her audacious goals. Even just one child, or a spouse with his own bold dreams, can derail our progress. But this is not inherently bad. In fact, this posture is refreshingly countercultural in a world that pushes us to over-prioritize, even idolize, our personal and professional goals and aspirations. Instead of seeking to escape the inconveniences and disruptions that are so natural to life, we can unlock greater peace, joy, and growth by welcoming them as some of our best instructors in the art of living well.
Alexandra Macey Davis is a wife, mother, and writer who shares her take on issues at the intersection of faith, culture, and family life. Her work has been published in Verily Magazine, Coffee + Crumbs, Public Discourse, FemCatholic, Everyday Mamas, She is Kindred, and many more. By day, she runs Davis Legal Media - a ghostwriting service for lawyers - and in the margins, you can find her wheeling her double stroller through vintage furniture stores, hoarding her favorite recipes, or writing at coffee shops. You can connect with Alex on her website, on Instagram, or by joining her monthly newsletter, where she encourages working moms to pursue goodness, truth, and beauty in their vocations.