Forged Through Fire: Learning Discernment
“Strength comes in making space, in trusting yourself, in truly believing that God is good and that He has only astonishing things in mind for you” (Chiara Corbella Petrillo).
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
When I think about my life over the last couple of years, it feels like this statement has never been truer. The older I am, the more accurate it seems to be, especially in the area of my own vocational discernment, a journey in which nothing has gone “to plan.”
The beautiful thing is that even when the process is difficult, God’s plans are always more beautiful than my own. While I don’t always initially agree with God’s plan, and he might have to fight me tooth and nail—like any good parent—the lessons I have learned through my most intense and heart-wrenching seasons of discernment have taught me some of the most invaluable lessons, both personally and professionally.
God Is Faithful to His Promises
As I write this article, I’m just 25 days away from my wedding day—and in my early 30s. My final days as a “single lady” have caused me to reflect upon the discernment process I underwent to reach this point. If I’m honest, the road I have taken to get here has been anything but simple, easy, or convenient. After many breakups, disheartening dating encounters, the discernment of religious life, the search for my own identity, and the confrontation of wounds and investment in deep healing, it feels miraculous that I’m here. I had to battle to get here, psychologically and spiritually.
For a long time, I didn’t understand how God would make sense out of the puzzle pieces of my life. But God never promised us that things this side of Heaven would make sense. He did assure us that he is faithful to his promises, even—and herein lies the beauty of it all—when it doesn’t go according to plan.
Chiara’s Story
Chiara Corbella Petrillo’s story gave me great hope during a period of desolation while discerning my vocation. Chiara passed away in 2012 at the age of 28 after a fierce battle with cancer and several tumultuous pregnancies, in which two of her children passed away following their birth. Talk about not going to plan.
While there are many elements of Chiara’s story that are profound, the discernment journey of her and her husband, Enrico, caught fire within me and reached me at the perfect time. It was through the Petrillos’ story (in part) that I gleaned several important life lessons: the importance of fortitude during the trials and tribulations of discernment, the uniqueness that every person’s vocation journey holds, and how the art of discernment permeates all spheres of life.
Enrico and Chiara dated for six years prior to marrying and endured many breakups. In her memoir, Witness to Joy, Chiara refers to their dating years as being engulfed in the “fire of discernment” and compares the process to purgatory. While some may find this description daunting or extreme, for me, it was comforting and clarifying. For the first time in my life, it felt like I was reading about a saint who shared my circumstances—whose vocational discernment wasn’t black or white. She didn’t have a vision or an immediate answer, and her discernment journey was tumultuous. She slowly chiseled away at it for six years. This knowledge came at the moment when I needed it most, right when I thought I was going to be getting engaged but, instead, went through a devastating breakup. After I thought I had chiseled plenty, God said to me, “Keep chiseling.”
Chiara describes how grueling the process was with Enrico, how mentally and emotionally taxing it was, and yet how it prepared them for what was to come in their marriage. Chiara acknowledges that had it not been for the challenges they faced in discernment, they might not have been able to weather the storms that came in their marriage. Enrico and Chiara were only married for four years before Chiara passed. In that time, they lost two children, they became renowned speakers for the pro-life cause, and Chiara gave birth to a third child while battling cancer. She passed away just months later. Her sanctity lay in the last four years of her life.
In sharing Chiara’s story, my hope is that it can bring consolation and affirmation during pivotal moments, just as it did for me and has done for many others. Over the years, I have encountered many women grappling with their vocational trajectory, just as I have and just as Chiara did: years filled with breakups and breakthroughs, moments of deep despair and brokenness, challenges grappling with one’s singleness, and all the things that life throws in between. It can be a difficult time period in which temptations and distractions are thrown at you left and right.
Fortitude Amid Discernment
There were many times in the last 10 years that I wanted to give up, that I wanted to stop being chiseled, that I wanted to say, “I no longer wanted to discern what I’m called to.” But my conscience told me otherwise. I remember the moments when my vocational journey weighed so heavily on me it felt like I could not go on—moments when I second-guessed God’s plan for my life. I thought I had learned how to apply the virtue of fortitude through other challenges I had endured; what I did not realize was that the battle for my vocation would take just as much, if not more, spiritual muscle. There’s nothing like a shattered heart to form one’s understanding of fortitude.
In the book “‘From Temperament to Character,” Alexandre Havard explains fortitude by identifying two distinguishing features: audacity and endurance. These characteristics are relevant in any season of discernment; we must be bold and persistent in the pursuit of what we know to be true and good. When things are difficult, it doesn’t mean we should give up; it means we should adapt our perspective. The question should always be, “What is God trying to teach me at this moment?” Often in discernment, we can discern between two goods—which can make things even more challenging. The recommended balm? Stay the course. Keep chiseling.
Discernment Has Many Faces
Another theme from Petrillo’s story that I took great solace in was the uniqueness of every every person’s vocational calling and discernment. The Petrillos’ story reiterated that nobody’s process looks the same, and it shouldn’t. There’s no “right way,” and that’s OK. God equips us all in different ways and in different seasons. The process by which each of us arrives looks different from the process of the person sitting next to us. After I was caught up in fear and comparison, Chiara’s story helped me to understand and accept this truth: Whatever the journey is and becomes, it’s OK. God will work within it.
One of the fruits that resulted from reading Chiara’s story is realizing that my journey of vocational discernment became the gateway by which I came to understand the significance of discernment in all spheres of life. Any preconceived timeline, idea, and understanding I had about vocation and how to discern was completely demolished and simultaneously reconstructed. It was a doozy—but a good one. My understanding of discernment will continue to be shaped and reshaped for the rest of my life, because discernment never ends: It is a lifelong endeavor that is continuously adapting and relevant in every stage of life.
The art of discernment is vital in becoming who we are created to be.
One thing that’s certain is that life demands discernment. Whether it’s discerning your next job opportunity, where your children go to school, buying or renting a house, resolving a fight with your significant other, or deliberating moral conundrums, discernment is vital in becoming who God created us to be. It’s vital we invest in learning the skill and honing the craft, because our discernment process (or lack thereof) is central to our life’s trajectory.
As Chiara’s story can attest, discernment is one of the greatest teachers. It’s a process that is more about the discovery of oneself than anything else. To discern something means to deliberate and to arrive at a decision, which requires all of our being, which is one of the reasons it can also be so challenging. God gives us opportunities by way of life decisions that cause us to exercise our freedom, intellect, and will. Teaching us how to discern maturely and accurately is one of the most powerful tools that God uses to form our character, to chisel away at us, in order to help us attain the heights of heaven.
Although we never know how God is using our current circumstances to prepare us for the next chapter, what we do know is that he beckons us forward. If you find yourself amid a challenging season of discernment, just keep chiseling, because it’s the chiseling that molds us. Part of life’s purpose is discovery of the self, which requires us to understand the art of discernment. When we do, hopefully we’ll be able to respond to what God has in store for us with fortitude and a heart and mind ready to listen.
Chiara Corbella, pray for us.
A native of Colorado, Krista Keil graduated with her Bachelor’s degree in Religious Studies from the University of Colorado at Boulder and is currently pursuing a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, with a specialization in traumatology, at Divine Mercy University. Krista has spent the last ten years working with youth and diverse populations in the non-profit sector in varying capacities, with an emphasis on mental health. Additionally, Krista has a background in international and domestic mission-based work and event coordination. Krista is passionate about helping others actualize their potential, the study of human flourishing, and the intersection of character, virtue, and leadership. Krista currently works at the Youth Leadership Foundation in Washington D.C. as the Director of Character and Mentorship. In her free time, Krista enjoys spending time outdoors, is a lover of spontaneous adventures, good cooking, and chai tea! Krista currently resides near Washington D.C. Visit her on her website or on Instagram @1iveinspired.