Book Review: TALK
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you know how you should respond to each one.” Colossians 4:6
We all want to be great conversationalists. Who doesn’t want to be the person who lights up the room with our charm, wit, and empathy, easily connecting with others? Many of us think that being a great conversationalist is a natural talent we either do or do not possess; and that those who have it are destined for great things while the rest of us watch on the sidelines.
But hold tight! Being a great conversationalist is a skill that can become effortless through hard work and practice. Enter Alison Wood Brooks’ book TALK which brings together research, philosophy, and a Harvard Business School course to help us gain confidence in our conversations. Brooks upends our assumption that conversational skills are a talent you either have or you don’t, and shows how to build up our conversationalist muscle to be better communicators.
TALK Maxims
According to Brooks (2025), the TALK Maxims are a framework breaking down conversation into four reminders that will “guide our entire approach to make conversation more vibrant, enriching, and effective” (p.xxii).
Topics: The Building Blocks
Good conversation is less about choosing a good topic and more about making a topic good through topic management- which is the choosing and steering of a topic in conversation (Brooks, p. 31). “Topic prep” - thinking about topics ahead of time- helps us with topic management in conversations. Brooks’ research highlights that the benefits of preparing for topics improves the quality, fluidity, accuracy, and relevance of information (p. 35). Topic prep can be our best tool in building connections and becoming better conversationalists, including improving our small talk abilities. Small talk is the starting point, and topic prep can help us move into more interesting and deeper conversations.
Asking: Move Between Topics and Dive Deeper
Without asking questions, conversations become monologues. Questions allow us to learn about each other's perspectives as we respond and interact with each other. According to Brooks, we should ask more questions to increase both our own likeability and the amount of information exchanged (p. 62). Questions are how we move between topics and build connections and trust with one another.
Levity: Laugh Out Loud
Levity is more than jokes and humor; it can be the playful, funny, unexpected, and warm moments during a conversation. The goal should be to bring people together within a conversation, and the tactic can be as simple as being present in the moment. Laughing - really laughing - is a powerful tool that we can all use more of.
Kindness: Care For Others
This is the most important and challenging maxim. It is creating the space for the other person to be seen, respected, and valued. Kindness is important in both how we speak and how we listen (p. 127).
The Difficult Conversations
Disagreements are a part of life. But in a world where the goal seems to be more about being right rather than being kind, loving, or respectful, it seems easier to avoid confrontation. The TALK maxims can help us navigate the difficult conversations with grace without each person imploding.
Brooks focuses on “the receptiveness recipe” of acknowledgement, affirmation, validation, hedging claims, and aims to learn (ps. 191-194). It is a mindset shift from the desire to persuade to the desire to learn. A receptive mindset is not weakness, rather it is honoring the dignity of the person who is a beloved child of the God, the Father.
The Power of an Apology
It was amazing to read the scientific research on apologies. The research is a secular view of the Catholic Church’s teaching on forgiveness and reconciliation. Brooks highlights that the research points to the power of apologies in the acknowledgement of harm and the belief that the relationship is worthy of care and fixing (p. 227). Apologies cannot be about ourselves; they must be about acknowledging and understanding the harm that was experienced by the other person.
While ruminating on this statement: “An apology hopes for forgiveness, but our partner doesn’t have to forgive,” I thought of the scenes in The Chosen, Season 4, Episode 2 of Matthew and Simon Peter struggling to apologize and forgive one another.
The storyline is Matthew talking with Jesus after Simon Peter’s name change and the harshness that Peter has shown toward Matthew in his previous work as a tax collector. Jesus patiently listens to Matthew, and then asks if Matthew had apologized to Peter. Peter in turn only forgives Matthew after speaking with Jesus and realizing that he can only forgive with the help of Christ. Forgiveness is a gift Peter gives to Matthew because Christ first gives it to Peter.
We too can forgive because Christ first forgives us.
We can apologize because the relationship is more important than being right. We can apologize because Christ meets us in the confessional and freely pours out His mercy to draw us back into relationship with Him.
TALK is a framework for guiding our conversations. The key takeaway is that great conversationalists are good listeners. They receive the person(s) in front of them and are present in the moment. This is our call as disciples: to receive the person(s) right in front of us and share with them the love and mercy of God, the Father. Let us be disciples who are receptive to the Lord and those around us.
Alexandra (Alex) Harrel resides in Irving, Texas. She is a new student affairs professional within the world of higher education. In her spare time, she loves reading, listening to podcasts, and spending time outdoors. Her favorite prayer is Hail, Holy Queen. You can follow her on Instagram at @2012alexandra.