Virtuous Valentine: The Beginning of Love
“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God” (1 John 4:7).
We either love or despise Valentine’s Day. The modern culture seduces us into believing we need lavish romance, decadent chocolates, expensive bouquets, and most importantly tall-dark-and-handsome Prince Charmings to woo us into bliss! We are set up to be disappointed with unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our partners, and of course we know that forced love is never true anyway. We can and should celebrate love and even romance, but what does that look like?
History of (Saint) Valentine’s Day
There are actually three different Saint Valentines mentioned, and all share February 14th as their feast day. In the third century, Roman Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage, but one of the saints, the most prominent of the three, a priest named Valentine, married couples in secret before his execution on February 14, 270 AD. While all of the saints demonstrated great love of the Lord, the overly romanticized interpretation of the feast day did not appear until the Middle Ages. The celebration of love is attributed to the writings of Chaucer’s The Parliament of Fowls, “For this was on Saint Valentine’s Day, when every fowl comes there his mate to take,” or even more so to Dame Elizabeth Prew's letters in 1477, which may be the origin of the exchanging of written “valentines.” In 1847, a woman named Esther Howland created the Valentine’s Day cards and is remembered as the mother of the American Valentine.
The Struggle Today
Unfortunately, secular advertising has not only removed any reference to the three Saint Valentines, but has further diluted the truth about love and even choosing a mate. Valentine’s Day is no longer as much about professing undying love as it is about sensuality, sexuality, and appearance. For those without a partner, this day can bring feelings of loneliness and depression. Social media only compounds this as post after post attempts to one-up the last with pictures of lavish displays, expensive jewelry, and of course, the perfect man.
Even though we all realize that these posts are often fabricated, deep down it can still hurt to not experience this romantic extravagance. For men in our culture, the pressure to live up to these expectations often makes them opt out completely, creating division rather than the intended unity of the holiday.
The Hound of Heaven
We desire all of this lavishness because we were created for it! We are meant to experience extravagant abundance being poured out freely for love of us. Yes, we are called to love God and to live lives that bear witness to the faith as the Saints have done throughout history. But we must remember that we love because He first loved us! We can love only because we are first loved by Him. The entire Bible is a love story describing God’s pursuing love of His people. Jesus talks about His bride, the Church. We are already loved by the greatest Love there is, and we are pursued, wooed, and yes, even romanced by Him.
We desire to be romanced, to be noticed, to be delighted in. As little girls, we loved to play dress up and dream about our happily-ever-after because of the desire in our hearts. However, these dreams came long before Disney marketed them, and unfortunately, most little girls are not taught the genesis of that desire, so we seek it elsewhere. God looking with favor on His lowly handmaid brought Mary joy. The remaining lines of her magnificat, however, are all about God and what He has done. Woman’s true beauty comes from her ability and her willingness to give and to bring love to others. This perspective changes how we interpret Valentine’s Day plans.
Leaning into His Love
Our need for complete, fulfilling love is not the problem. Our attempts to satisfy this need through superficial means will undoubtedly lead to disappointment. Even our efforts to coerce, hint, beg, or manipulate our husbands into being more romantic typically fail, leaving us feeling even more unloved and unwanted. That is the legacy of the Enemy of Love and the Enemy of our souls.
“The thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy” (John 10:10). He hates love. He hates marriage. He hates us. The secularization of love as something that can be bought or orchestrated participates with this enemy and will always leave us feeling empty.
The Sacred Heart of Jesus reveals to us that true love is sacrificial and unconditional. This true love is given freely and abundantly, even to the last drop of His precious blood. Even if every person betrays our love, Jesus never will. His heart has already been fully given to us, and we can trust Him.
Gratefully, our God is a good God who desires to give us good things, and the truth is that He created men and women to compliment each other. While God created women with this deep desire, he created men with the desire to fulfill it. Men are naturally warrior-protectors, and as husbands, they are called to love their wives sacrificially as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:28). When a man and woman surrender to God and love one another through Him, each receives the desires of his or her heart. This is why true, selfless love in a committed relationship is something to be celebrated!
This Valentine’s Day, we should celebrate the love we have in our lives: our husbands and our children. We can decorate with hearts and give tokens of joy to each other because love is never wrong when it is truly love. But take it one step further this year and acknowledge the root of all love, Christ. Whether you are single, married, widowed, or divorced, you are loved, and your desire to be loved is also a desire to be fulfilled by Him. When we lean into His perfect Love, all other love is elevated, and we too can be sacrificial and self-less, with or without the box of chocolates.
Laryn Weaver is a Catholic writer and speaker whose current focus is a ministry of availability and prayer. Her greatest joys are her marriage, her adult children, and her four grandbabies! Find out more about Laryn at larynweaver.com.