A New Resource on Etiquette at Work and All of Life
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs at the days to come. She opens her mouth in wisdom; kindly instruction is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31: 25-26).
My mom regularly threatened my siblings and me with cotillion. Weekly, it seemed, our manners would horrify her at the dinner table, and she would tell us she was going to sign us up for the dancing and etiquette class that’s so popular in the south. (My mom is from New Jersey, but sometimes, the idea of giving us some Southern etiquette appealed to her!)
She never went through with it. But at times, I’ve wished she had. Having the poise that comes with knowing how to politely and respectfully behave in any situation would have come in handy at various points in my career and adult life. Fortunately, a new book will serve as a reference point from now on.
Avoiding the Dreaded Awkward Moment
Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches social, business, and dining etiquette courses and international protocol. She’s a former news anchor and lawyer who worked in all three branches of the federal government, including the West Wing. She’s also an alumna of the Catholic Villanova University.
Clearly, she has a thing or two to teach Catholic women! Her new book, “Was It Something I Said?: Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life,” though, is for anyone.
Cheperdak defines etiquette as:
How to convey good manners in specific situations
Making others feel at ease without compromising oneself
A form of social intelligence
Showing respect, extending grace, and engaging in relationships in a way that honors both you and the people around you
So, while cotillion definitely involves etiquette 一 and may be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 一 at least as far as this book is concerned, it’s much more.
Focus on Authenticity, Respect, and Kindness …
Again and again, Cheperdak comes back to the importance of authenticity, respect, and kindness. Yes, the order of your forks makes a difference in setting a table, depending on who’s coming to dinner. Ultimately, what matters more is how you treat the people you’re eating with.
“Etiquette matters because people matter,” Cheperdak says. “Kindness is the great equalizer 一 it transcends titles, backgrounds, and even awkward first impressions. And the best part? You don’t need a degree in diplomacy or a silver spoon to show it.” Etiquette isn’t about showing people you know all the rules; it’s about showing them that they are important to you.
… but Have the Rules on Hand as a Reference
Still, Cheperdak does offer a thorough (as far as I could tell) guide to etiquette in the workplace, at meals, and even online. Helpful illustrations and diagrams provide an easy-to-use reference that I’m sure I’ll be revisiting in the future. She’s also excellent at using metaphors and analogies to explain her points. (For example, “the meal is a dance, not a sprint” and “Handle it all with the finesse of a rom-com heroine who always manages to land on her feet.”)
I only had a couple of quibbles with “Was It Something I Said?” First, toward the beginning of the book, she uses the term “cisnormative,” which isn’t aligned with Church teaching on gender and sexuality. However, that single reference to gender ideology came and went, and it was certainly not enough to disregard the rest of the book. Unfortunately, that focus on inclusivity did not extend to her discussion of eye contact, which I felt would exclude neurodivergent people for whom eye contact is so uncomfortable that making conversation while maintaining eye contact is impossible.
Still, it’s impossible to write a book that includes something for everyone, and keeping in mind every form of disability or life experience would be impractical in this book. Along those lines, as someone with social anxiety who prefers to be seated with my husband in a gathering where I don’t know anyone else, I found her instruction to “split up couples when possible to encourage mingling” not to my particular taste. I would have found it rude if a hostess seated me apart from my husband 一 but, thanks to Cheperdak, I now know that there may be a good intention behind it!
Whether you’re frequently attending or hosting formal dinners or looking for advice on job interviews, “Was It Something I Said?” has advice for you. What’s more, it’s written in a friendly, approachable, and entertaining manner. It’s an engaging read that I recommend to any Catholic woman in business, regardless of season of life or field of work.
Taryn DeLong co-wrote Holy Ambition: Thriving as a Catholic Woman at Work and at Home (Ave Maria Press) to help women hear and follow God’s unique calling for their life. Following her own calling, she currently spends much of her time caring for and homeschooling her two daughters.
Taryn studied psychology and education at Meredith College in Raleigh, NC. Before becoming a mother, she worked in university advancement and then B2B editing.
Since Taryn was a child, she’s called the Raleigh area home, and she and her husband are now raising their family in a small Raleigh suburb. In addition to supporting Catholic women, she's passionate about inclusion of people with disabilities in life, work, and (most importantly) the Church. She also enjoys reading and playing the piano.
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