Receptivity as a Single Catholic Woman
“And every day, when your heart especially feels the loneliness of life, pray” (St. Padre Pio).
Editor’s note: This article is part of our Advent 2024 series, “Waiting for Christ With a Receptive Heart.” Read more here.
This is an open letter to all my fellow single people, especially single Catholic women, who find themselves single this holiday season and will experience the holidays differently than their engaged and married peers.
This year may be your first holiday season single, or it may be your umpteenth holiday season single. You may be at peace, or there may be a real ache. There might be loneliness, unrealistic expectations, comparison, disappointment, and a hardening of heart as you see what others have that you desire.
You Are Loved
Whenever you find yourself with your singleness, you are seen by your Creator, and God is meeting you in this space and season. He invites you, in all your singleness, to receive and be with Him.
From a single woman’s perspective, everyone seems to have someone: a date to the office holiday party, a boyfriend to do fun Christmas activities with, a fiancé to celebrate with, or a husband and children for Christmas cards and attending Christmas Mass together. And then on Instagram, a thousand people seem to get engaged within a five-week span (an over-the-top number, but it feels like there are a lot of social media engagement announcements during the holiday season).
Sometimes, it seems like everyone else is experiencing a picture-perfect, Hallmark Advent and Christmas, while all the singles are on the outside. This often false perception adds to our feelings of loneliness and envy, leaving our heart sad and aching.
The temptation is to believe that we need to be experiencing Advent and Christmas in a relationship in a certain way for these seasons to be meaningful—that if we are single, then we are unseen, ignored, and unloved by God the Father.
My friends, this is a lie straight from the devil himself. God became Emmanuel—God with us—to be with all of us. To be with you right here, right now.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that Advent is the “ancient expectancy of the Messiah, for by sharing in the long preparation for the Savior’s first coming, the faithful renew their ardent desire for his second coming” (524). Advent is the season of preparation and expectancy, the season for us to give our weariness and wounds to a Father who loves us so much that He came to be with us in the most unexpected way. And God is still coming in unexpected ways over 2,000 years later.
Offend My Mind
I recently came across the song “Preference,” by Rachel Morley, which asks if God is not coming as we prefer but in unexpected ways—that we are missing Him because we are too busy expecting Him to come as we want Him, not as He is:
What if it doesn’t look like what I thought it would?
What if You come in ways I didn’t know You could?
Offend my mind, reveal my heart.
Would I know Your voice?
Would I ache to respond?
I did not think I would still be in a season of singleness at this point in my life. Yet I am, and God is calling me to be “alert, awakened, joyful readiness” (Alice von Hildebrand). He is asking me this Advent season to be receptive to where I am right here and right now—to experience His coming as a single Catholic woman. It’s not about understanding the why but, rather, allowing Him to come in unexpected ways.
It would be easy to lean into jealousy, comparison, and loneliness. It’s harder but better to celebrate Advent with a willingness to have our mind offended so that the Lord reveals our heart to recognize Him when He arrives.
His arrival can (and will) be through others: the difficult co-workers, the frazzled friends and family members, the overworked cashiers, the people within our community who are struggling, and the neighbor next door. We can only see Jesus in others if we are receptive to His voice. Regardless of our relationship status, we are all called to this receptivity.
This Advent and Christmas season, when the loneliness, jealousy, and disappointment are overwhelming, simply be with the Lord. Look at a crucifix, attend daily Mass, frequent Adoration, run to Confession, and help someone in need. Invite the Lord to offend your mind to reveal your heart. The Lord is coming; let us not miss Him because He is not coming in the way we’d prefer.
Lord, Jesus, let us be receptive to your unexpected ways. May we not miss you walking into the room. We want to receive all of you this Advent and Christmas season.
Alexandra (Alex) Harrel resides in Irving, Texas. She is a new student affairs professional within the world of higher education. In her spare time, she loves reading, listening to podcasts, and spending time outdoors. Her favorite prayer is Hail, Holy Queen. You can follow her on Instagram at @2012alexandra.