Stepping Out of the Silo: The Case for In-Person Connection
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Eye Contact in the Ambulance
I walked into the quiet, dark hospital chapel and sat before the crucifix. Still in my dress and flats, I had been prepared for quite a different evening. On my way to lead my parish’s last bible study of the year, I received a call that one of my children was experiencing a medical emergency.
Twenty minutes later, I found myself in an ambulance with my son, holding his hand and trying to reassure him that I was right there with him and he was safe. When his eyes wandered to the equipment, the harsh lights, or the gurney beneath him, I gently prompted him to look at me. When he did, he would have a moment of instant peace, where his body slackened, and he recognized who I was. His eyes met mine, and his body and mind told him that he was safe because I was safe.
Later that evening, hours into an ER visit, I found the hospital chapel. I sank into the chair and stared at the crucifix as I experienced that exact same peace that my son had in that ambulance. I met the eyes of my Father and felt my body, mind, and soul relax. The adrenaline rush gave way to a peace and calm so deep and comforting that I shed tears of gratitude. I was held. I was safe. I was known and seen no matter what chaos was swirling around me.
We are Embodied Creatures
How often do we need to be safe, known, held, and seen as women? Or as wives, mothers, employees, friends, and daughters? We are embodied creatures, and we have an innate desire to experience life in relationship with others. History has shown us that this is the case, as families and communities over the centuries have existed to lift up the individual and provide joy and support. In the church, we are blessed with the examples of saints who knew and embraced the importance and necessity of being close to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Even more than a desire, we have a genuine call placed on our hearts by God to love one another well in community.
“We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works. We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another, and this all the more as you see the day drawing near.” - Hebrews 10:24-25
The challenge for us as women today is that so many parts of our lives have become siloed. We see each other less in person and more on screens. Remote working has provided so much flexibility for us, but it has robbed us of human connection. Social media opens many doors for extensive marketing and reach, but tempts us with envy, feelings of loneliness, and addictive tendencies. Exercising has become convenient to the point that we can hop on a bike or treadmill in our basement and have instant access to classes online, where a friendly face on a screen encourages us to push for our goals.
But what cost is there in all this “convenience?” What we gain in the way of freedom to live and work more efficiently does indeed have a very real cost. We sacrifice something precious in the name of technological ease. We lose the benefit and blessing – the humanity – of encountering a neighbor walking her new baby, feeling the sunshine on our face, or high-fiving a friend after a great workout at the gym. It is easy to slip away, to retreat inward, and to forget how very much we need one another in the wild adventure called life.
We will never lose the need to connect in person with one another, because this is precisely how we were created to live. The challenge for us as women of faith today is to intentionally find the time and space to connect. Much like the “put your own mask on first on the airplane” advice we all know, it is vital to our spiritual, emotional, and physical health that we take the time to cultivate beautiful relationships in real life.
Let Yourself Be Loved
What can you do today (or this week or this month) to nurture your feminine genius by fostering connection? Whatever comes to mind, I challenge you to do it. Make the call. Send the text. Set up the girls' night out. Invite a friend for coffee or a walk. Then, lean in. Put your phone away, turn your attention to the present moment, and enjoy the presence of another soul who loves you, cherishes you, and sees you.
We all find ourselves in the ambulance at times. Life is messy and hard. We get frightened and disoriented by the storms of life. When we make eye contact with one another, and with Christ, we will find the peace that we so desperately long for. The peace that Christ longs to give us, that surpasses all understanding, that will never fail to comfort us when those storms blow in.
“He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. And they were glad, because they had quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven.” - Psalm 107:29-30
May we be bold enough to step out and find in our beloved friends and neighbors our own havens of gladness, gifted and granted to us by a Father who loves us so much and desires us to share our lives, hearts, and souls with one another as his precious and beloved daughters
Alli Koscal is a Catholic wife, mom to seven, author, and the voice behind Finding Havens. She recently published her first book, a bible study titled Love and Loyalty: Heart Lessons from the Book of Ruth. For more information on Alli’s ministry, writing, speaking and more, visit allikoscal.com or follow her on Instagram @findinghavens7.